Untitled.

 

When I was six years old, I gave my first blowjob.
“It’s a game”, said He. “Don’t you want to play?”
It was too big, and I threw up on him.
He said I’d do better the next time.

When I was seven years old, I watched a group of fellow second graders cheer as a boy in my class tried to kiss me. He hugged me from behind, giggling all the while.
I threw sand in his eyes, and was sent to the Principal.

When I was eight years old, I had an elderly teacher ask me to stay behind in class. He carried me on his shoulders, and called me pretty.
“Teacher’s Pet!” my friends declared, the envy visible on their faces.
They ignored me at lunch that day.

When I was nine years old, an older girl on the school bus would ask me to lift my skirt up for her. She was pretty and kind, and told me that I could only be her friend if I did what she said.
I wanted to be her friend.

When I was ten years old, a relative demanded that he get a kiss on the cheek every time we met. He was large and loud, and I proceeded to hide under my bed whenever I learnt that he was visiting.
I was known as a rude child.

When I was eleven, my auto-man told me that we would only leave if I gave him a hug every day.
He smelled like cheap soap and cigarettes.

When I was twelve years old, I watched as a man on the street touched my mother’s breast as he passed us. She slapped him amidst the shouts of onlookers telling her to calm down.
She didn’t calm down.

When I was thirteen years old, I exited a restaurant only to see a man visibly masturbating as he walked towards me. As he passed, he winked lasciviously.
My friends and I shifted our gazes down, aghast.

When I was fourteen, a young man in an expensive car followed me home as I walked back from an evening class. I ignored his offer to give me a ride, and I panicked when he got out, only to buy me a box of chocolate that I refused. He parked at the end of my road, and didn’t go away for an hour.
“It turns me on to see you so scared.”

When I was fifteen, I was groped on a bus. It was with a heart full of shame that I confided in a friend, only to be met with his anger and disappointment that I had not shouted at the molester at the time when it happened. My soft protests of being afraid and alone were drowned out as he berated my inaction. To him, my passiveness and silence were the reasons why things like this continue to happen.
He did not wait for my response.

When I was sixteen, I discovered that Facebook had a section of inbox messages named ‘others’, which contained those mails received from strangers, automatically stored as spam. Curious, I opened it to find numerous messages from men I had never seen before. I was propositioned, called sexy, asked for nudes, and insulted.
Delete message.

When I was seventeen, I called for help as a drunken man tried to sexually harass me in a crowded street.
The people around me seemed to walk by quicker.

At eighteen, I was told that sexism doesn’t exist in modern society.
I was told that harassment couldn’t be as bad as us women make it out to be.
That I should watch what I wear.
Never mind you were six, never mind you were wearing pink pajamas.
That I should be louder.
But not too loud, a lady must be polite.
That I should always ask for help.
But stop overreacting, there’s a difference.
That I should stay in at night, because it isn’t safe.
You can’t get harassed in broad daylight.
That I should always travel with no less than two boys with me.
You need to be protected. 

That it can’t be that hard to be a girl.

I am now nineteen years old.
I am now tired.

 

(This poem was anonymously submitted to Glasnost.)

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441 thoughts on “

      • for me the sadest part has been when you do tell. your family looks at you like you are dirty, not worth their love anymore. they find reasons not to talk to you, not to invite you, to disassociate with you. It is sad….I am sad…..

        Liked by 2 people

        • I thought that I was the only one. 31 years ago I was raped by a boy that I was dating because I said that I wasn’t ready. My family refused to believe me even though I had bruises a black eye a busted lip, handprints around my neck and spit running down my face. Back then there was no such thing as date rape. I don’t believe in abortion for myself so I have a son. When he turned 10 his father raped one of my coworkers. Then they believed me but it was too late. Ive been raped 2 more times since then but did not fight back nor did I tell anyone. There was no point. You are probably wondering why I didn’t fight. I have been physically verbally and mentally abused since I was 5. Maybe before then. I have tried to kill myself 10 times. The last was October 2014. I overdosed. My husband who is a councilor let me lay in my bed for 16 hours before he called the ambulance. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Severe Depression, Memory Loss due to O.D. and Severe Anxiety. Maybe, just maybe if someone would have believed me I wouldn’t be this messed up. I have never really talked to anyone about this in fear of my family and my decision to keep my son being judged. I love my son and my family even though they still haven’t apologized. I am praying that you read and share my story so that others may learn from it. I chose to tell you because of our similar situation. I’m not strong enough to share with everybody but if you are, please share for both of us. I will pray for you. Could you please pray for me?

          Liked by 4 people

          • Joann I’m sorry to hear what terrible things you’ve experienced. I hope the universe opens it doors to you to provide you the love and embrace that you are seeking. Wherever you are, you’re in my thoughts and with the millions that seek a better world. Follow your intuition towards love and all that makes you happy. Best of luck and warm wishes on your journey. #winnipeg

            Liked by 1 person

          • This makes my heart ache. Please know that my prayers are with you and others on this post whose stories I didn’t get a chance to read. There is incredible dignity in your life, in your story. There are joyful times, and there is pain. Pain can be so immense that we run to dangerous places to avoid it, and when I hear that, I don’t feel judgmental, I feel compassion. You are heard. You matter. Your story is real and good. Please keep fighting, keep searching for healing, and believe that you can find it, and that it can be complete. And when healing isn’t there, fight to choose contentment. Wrestle it up from the depths of your heart and fix your eyes on it. And even when you don’t, I am still praying for you, still caring, still believing in you.

            Liked by 1 person

            • My story is the same. My pain is immense and blankets my world. Jesus didn’t help.

              There is a man on the fringes of my life who I cannot let in. He is a virgin and his dearest wish is earth shattering sex. He wants to pretend that he was here first and that everything is pink unicorns and butterflies and bunnies. He thinks flowers fix anything. I HATE FLOWERS. When was in physical pain and without medical attention he said he was “sending happy thoughts” despite having TWO physicians in his immediate family. No I’m not a drug addict.

              I WANT TO BE UNDERSTOOD, AND MOSTLY, LEFT ALONE. I want to spend time with my grandchildren and never leave their house again. I want a room with no windows but lots of books and things to occupy us and to never need to go to sleep. I don’t want the doorbell to ring. I don’t want to receive mail. Mostly, I don’t want the phone to ring. I rarely like people. I can deal with about 5 people in my life at a time. And I like it that way.

              Liked by 1 person

          • I will pray for you… there is hope, years of counselling have brought me healing and I will work towards healing little by little… it may be a lifetime, but I will persevere to be who my creator intended me to be without the abuse. You can pray for me… We are promised not to be left the way we are :)

            Liked by 1 person

          • We Don’tknow.each other but I’m praying for you! You are loved unconditionally by a father who would NEVER hurt you, his name is JESUS! You are perfect in his eyes and you ARE worthy of love! I don’t know you but I love you just the way you are!

            Liked by 1 person

          • 😔 stay strong. So sad how people have become. If they don’t believe you there is nothing you can do. Just continue to live your life. You know deep down what happened. Your life matters though. Please remember that. I will pray for uou❤️

            Liked by 1 person

          • Please feel free to reach out if you ever need someone to talk to. I’ve been in similar situations and it hurts but I know that finding others who have shared the experience and can sympathize is one of the most beneficial things you can do.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Not minimizing what you have gone through, and I am very sorry that you had to go through that, but you can get help with the chemistry in your brain so that you are not so sad by following the principles in the book by Dr Natasha Campbell-McBride “Gut and Psychology Syndrome”. All those “neurological” conditions start in the gut and are all curable. I have had great success with my son’s autism that was supposed to be uncurable. Please look at it, it can really help you.

            Liked by 1 person

            • She does not have a disease that can be resolved through reading a book. She needs love, support, and people who UNDERSTAND.
              Clearly, you do not understand what she has been through and though she may be depressed, a book is not going to “fix” her.

              Hopefully you understand what I am trying to say.

              Like

              • “Praying” for someone doesn’t fix them either… It enables them to believe that they can not accomplish something on their own… That they need to depend on some “higher power”… Where was that higher power while these horrible things have happened to you? At least Karina offered something that DOES help with depression and many other disorders… READING… Regardless of whatever it is that she is reading.

                Hopefully YOU understand what I’M saying.

                Like

          • I believe you. You are a brave woman, stick around for your son. There isn’t anyone brave enough than you who can teach the next generation how not to treat women

            Like

          • Joann, you have a right to be on this earth. You are worthy of love. You are not alone. You do not deserve to be treated poorly by those who say they love you, but whose actions prove otherwise. We are our own greatest protectors. I hope you find a strong ally to hang onto, whether its a therapist or new friend. You are worth it simply because you are alive.

            Like

          • I believeyou, and I’m so sorry on their behalf. For not believing you. There is someone praying for you. I hope you keep pushing forward, so they don’t win. I’m rooting for you.

            Like

          • Dear Joann
            Please seek out a person in your community who practices Family Constellations. There is a way out of this mess and it is relatively quick without re-traumatizing you. If you have trouble finding one, please advise me and I will look on your behalf. optimistic.hopeful@gmail.com

            Like

            • No Family Constellations here. Evidently your head is in the clouds. :-( This is a woman’s story and experiences, not something that can be fixed. We can only accept the things that have happened, and try to move on. Screw the bull about “Forgive, but never forget” Like you could forget! Everyone can have a moment of weakness, but that NEVER justifies the action, whether

              Like

          • Jo Ann, I hope you can find the strength to reach out for help. You have made it so far and have gone through so much, and I see courage and potential in you. Please don’t give up. If you would like, I volunteer at a crisis hotline that is a part of the national suicide prevention program. Call 1-800-273-8255 and you will reach a professional willing to dedicate as much time as you need to you. You are in my prayers.

            Liked by 1 person

          • You are not alone! Don’t ever feel alone. I have been through many sexual harassment incidences and rapes. I’m 19 years old. I too have plenty of mental health problems because of it, but I am learning to make a commitment to get better because remembering and re-playing these memories is way tooooo much! I will definitely pray for you and send positive vibes your way. Also check out my WordPress blog, https://21stcenturysadgrrrl.wordpress.com/. I write about women’s issues regarding empowerment, sex positivity, and mental health. Soon, I will begin tackling the increasingly heavy topics of rape. I wish you the best, and I hope my blog can also console you. Stay strong sister <3

            Like

          • Quit trying to kill yourself and start living your life like a women who will no longer let the bad people that did bad things to her control her life take back control destroy those bastards by showing your light won’t be extinguished by evil bastards that will have daily tapes waiting for them in hell God loves u we just all have different crosses to bare keep your head up high!!!!!

            Like

          • Joanne, I am so, so sorry that all of this has happened to you. What a world we live in for these things to happen to a child and into adulthood. Unfortunately some parents still don’t want to believe their children. No one has the right to hurt others especially our children. I thoroughly believe these things happened to you……Can I write to you later? Please respond…

            Like

          • I’m so sorry you have had to go on with this. I’m praying for you. If you can consider forgiving others as God has forgiven us, that can be a good step toward healing. But find a good Christian therapist in your area. You will need support to get through this long hard road you’ve been dealt with.

            Like

          • As a teenager, my father began touching me. He won my brother and I through a custody dispute with my uncaring mother. Once my brother graduated high school and moved out of state to live with my grandparents because he was physically abused by my father, the sexual abuse started towards me. My father always said “no one has to know”. There was no rape, I am thankful for that, I was so afraid he would. I could not stop him. Now I look back and feel I should have told someone, anyone but felt so alone. My father still lives, I have not had anything to do with him for the past 15 years, never want him around my granddaughters. He should not be enjoying life as he is, he should be behind bars.

            Like

          • Joann–This is so sad to me…I am a therapist, and in my experience in working with sexual abuse victims, the biggest factor in how it affects the child is the response of the family. If they blame the victim, the child learns they don’t matter, they have no voice, no one cares, etc…and this is when mental health issues begin to develop. If the family listens to the child, stops the abuse, gets the child help, and makes them feel like they DO have a voice and they DO matter, the child is much less likely to experience serious long-term mental health issues as a result. I am so sorry no one advocated for you. You DO matter. And even now, when you feel like you are “messed up,” I am here to tell you: you are important, you matter, and you still have a purpose in this world, despite your past or what others think of you. I really hope you are in therapy with a good therapist who listens to you and shows you unconditional love. You are valuable, and you are NOT what your abusers did to you. You are so much more! God bless you.

            Like

          • Praying for you! It’s not too late to tell somebody now, go see someone between counselors and god you can break free from all the terror of the past :)

            Like

            • I envy you. I still haven’t been able to leave my family alone no matter what they say or do to me or how they treat me. However this is just the tip of the iceberg. I don’t think I will ever tell anyone my whole story my whole truth because of the shame and embarrassment. I’ve been in and out therapy for a very long time. I now have a christian-based psychologist who I see and even she doesn’t know the whole truth. It took me awhile before I could respond to anybody on this site because of all the negativity, harassment and the men telling you that is just made up, it’s not real, get over it. Someone needs to tell them that it is real, it’s all true and yes I know for a fact that it happens to men too. I chose to respond to you Because you seem compassionate understanding and strong. To all of the men who doubt what we say is true. I pray that this never happens to anyone that you care about and if it does, I pray that you find the strength and the common sense to be supportive and not say the negative things that you say to people like me. I came to this site thinking that I could be honest and tell my truth. I did not know that I would be criticized, made fun of and talked about. Did you ever think that your words could do serious harm to someone like me. Thanks to all of these negative comments my depression is worse and now my psychologist wants to put me back in the hospital. Thank you for your kind comment however I am NOT strong and I never have been but I truly appreciate your kindness. To all of the women and men out there who have been violated, abused, or victimized in any way, shape, form or fashion, Please always stay strong. I can’t.

              Like

          • Joann- a similar thing happened to me when I was 25. The guy I was seeing forced himself on me and I clearly resisted. He was going to do what he wanted. I also quit fighting back because I knew there was no point. I could end up with bruises or just grit my teeth and get through it. Luckily I was able to escape the relationship soon after and move far away. I will totally pray for you- your story touched me.

            Like

          • Words cannot describe the sorrow I feel for you.
            I do not often pray for other people, especially strangers, but I did just pray for you.

            Good luck in life, may God bless you and your soul. xoxo

            Like

        • maybe if your family is a bunch of hicks who probably partake in harassment against other humans they would do that to you, but if you actually had a solid loving family you would get an opposite response. A man revealed himself to my sister within 10 feet of her, she ran and called my dad and he went to pick her up. I can assure you that my whole family myself included, did not try and dissociate with her, we comforted her, we let her know that we’re here for her. If you have family that would walk away from you in your time of need then they are truly worse than the person/people who have harassed you

          Like

        • Make sure you break that cycle. All we can do is move forward and help make the people around us better. Create a better loving family for your children. Then they’ll do that for their children. Sometimes it starts with you. My parents changed the cycle of alcoholism, abuse, and neglect. I’ve never felt anything but love and support from my parents. I in return have only showed love and support for my kids. I’m thankful I didn’t have to be the strong one, but I know I could have, and I know you can! God bless!

          Like

        • I know exactly how this feels. I was molested 3 times by my family members. The third time was by my father. I always have constant flashbacks of the times that my own father touched me for a whole year. So yes. I know how this feels.

          Like

      • agreed… it was actually WORSE because it was just “accepted” everyone had a pervert neighbor or a creepy uncle or teacher. Now we just HEAR about it more from media/social networking. I honestly don’t have ONE girl friend who wasn’t assaulted in someway or another. Or multiple ways actually. sad… but there IS more radar now at least. I just wish it would all disappear. It can ruin a child’s life.

        Liked by 1 person

      • When I told my mom 20 years ago that my brother had molested me 13 years before that she asked me if I was sure and when I was adamant she still didn’t believe me while simultaneously making me feel like it was my fault. I didn’t go on to tell her that he’d molested be for eight years. Up until I’d met my husband she was the person who loved me most in this world.

        Like

      • I must live in some kind of bubble because I’m 40 and have lived all over the world and have had nothing like this happen. Geez. What a nightmare. Makes me so sad and worried for my daughters. I hope they have my magic bubble somehow??!

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      • Fortunately, nothing happened to me ever. My mom raised me to be a strong person. At 21 years old i confronted his brother who sexually abused her. All her family(12 brothers/sisters) knew it and raised up the issue. I did. I saw his fears in his eyes. We wan and im proud of my mom. Hopefully this is a proof that this can end from generation. Great post.

        Like

      • Yes and the minute you run out of eggs the harassment gradually stops. Then you enter a period where you are almost ignored on purpose. At first it’s frightening, because you get a lot of attention from the world when you are young, both good and bad. As an older woman, you gradually find yourself again and begin to love the fact that no one is telling you to “Smile honey.” . Weird life, being a woman….

        Like

      • Same thing happened to me when I told
        my mom what happened to me. She said, “it’s not my fault and it happened to me too.” End of story. Majority of men are predators starting at a very young age. It’s disgusting.

        Like

      • Thanks to whoever shared. I am a psych major who intends to specialize in sexual trauma victims. These stories remind me why I am doing this.

        Like

    • I pray this sweet angel gets help. You are too sweet to have this continue. Please go to a professional and let them have all you have said. My heart aches for you. No one deserves this.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. This is shockingly alarming, yet quite expected.
    I don’t think the author could have put it any better. Frankly, I am not surprised that this is coming from NLU-D, the reputation of whose boys precedes it itself.
    It is unfathomable how as a society we have regressed so deep down amidst our race for “progress” as a society.

    Kudos to the author for writing this. Refreshingly accurate, yet disgustingly true..

    Liked by 2 people

    • Wow. A poignant poem about an entire gamut of traumatic struggles and the first thing on your mind is institution bashing. Well done. It’s a societal problem. Broaden your view a little.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Speaking like that doesn’t make you seem smart, it makes it so that nobody understands what you’re saying except those willing to look up definitions, and proves that you’re willing to spend the time to learn these words for the sole purpose of making yourself seem educated… I’m not just trying to be a dick because I disagree with you (which I do), there is just no point in using this vocabulary in a casual setting… You’re not talking to a bunch of intellectuals, you’re talking to a bunch of people who think six year olds giving blowjobs and people walking by when teenagers are getting sexually assaulted on the street are real problems.

        Liked by 1 person

          • What in the world man. If you have the ability to type that comment, you should also have the basic knowledge to read it. Why are you complaining for

            Like

        • You, are uneducated, and that is not the fault of the writer. If you don’t understand something, broaden your mind by learning what it is, like vocabulary, for example. You’re a perfect example of why so little has changed in society because you blatantly allow ignorance to form an opinion for you and to excuse others for doing the same. Are my words too big for you? I’m not a college graduate, I choose to understand things, so I learn what I don’t know. Try it sometime. It beats judgment tenfold.

          Like

        • I’m 23 and I use the majority of those words in my normal vocabulary. I find it sad that you’re not familiar with them or that you don’t have the desire to learn what they mean.

          Like

        • ” You’re not talking to a bunch of intellectuals, you’re talking to a bunch of people who think six year olds giving blowjobs and people walking by when teenagers are getting sexually assaulted on the street are real problems.”

          You guys are missing the point in his post. he’s insulting basically everyone who considers sexual harassment/assault an issue. 6yr olds giving blow jobs not a problem? You clearly lack more than just vocabulary.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Your comment is a perfect example of how another’s comment can easily be misread. He/she was stating that the people commenting on this post are not necessarily intellectuals, but certainly people on the internet who agree with the sentiments of the author. That statement insults no one. It would do you well to not read everything in a negative light.

            Like

        • This piece is very straight forward. Part of reading any literature will include looking up a word. Not only did she tell you about a social problem she made you learn a word or two. Although the language is not difficult in the slightest. I would consider expanding your vocab for future reading.

          Like

        • This is what men do, they divert our conversations and make it all about them. They are toddlers with one hand on their pee-pee, yelling mommy mommy mom mommy mommy I want I want when we are on the phone.

          Thanks for this article. Imagine the sickening list a 70 yr old woman could set out. Seven decades of male violence, never abating, recognized or dealt with. Save by us. Remember, we are sisters, no matter our age, colour, class or any other division men make for Female: we are the Sex Class.

          Like

          • @Red, I am flabberghasted that you chose to make this out to be about gender… Man or woman, every person is an individual. There are women who have found men who treat them well.

            For the record, I pray that no woman will ever have to go through anything that is remotely similar to what the writer is writting here and that those who have had to may find peace and overcome the effects of such experiences to live a much more fulfilling life.

            God Bless!

            Like

              • Of course not all men! The point is not that all men are dangerous, but that all women are in danger. That is the social injustice. I hope you and others who feel victimized by feminism educate yourselves, because the #notallmen further belittles the crisis of violence against women. You do not need to defend yourselves– instead, try defending women, because I guarantee you that any one of your mother, sister, aunt, neighbor, or friend has experienced misogyny of some form. While, of course, #notallmen are guilty, #yesallwomen have a story to tell. And that is the reality.Think of it not as women versus men, but victim versus violence.

                Why be redundant when you can be effective?

                Liked by 1 person

                  • I think no such thing, and seeing as I did not write anything indicating so, I am confused and even surprised by your response. I wrote my that post with the best of intentions to help explain why the “not all men” mentality is counter productive to this social crisis expressed by the poem. So, I really don’t know where you are coming from. Fortunately, I don’t get too invested in internet comments so, you have not ruined my evening. No apology necessary.

                    Like

            • How the hell could it not be about gender? This poem is the experience of an individual, but also the experience of every single woman on this planet. For once, just shut up and listen to what people are saying. If you want to discuss toxic masculinity and the ways in which men are forced to “suck it up” whenever they are harassed/raped/abused, then make your own post discussing this issue. Right now we are talking about women.

              Liked by 1 person

              • @Bree, I absolutely agree that this text obviously involves gender. I think that Havili may (accidentally?) have a point though. Robbing the writer of her individuality means we loose perspective for the people that do not live it. The stories of women carry much more weight then some political identity or world view.

                The reality is there are many many more stories like this. But I truly believe they become lost in the noise. People argue about things like women’s rights, poverty, and war all the time, and in doing so forget that these are not just “real issues” they are real events, real hardship, and real people!

                I remember when I met one of my now friends for the first time. I asked where he was from, and with a somber look on his face he replied “rwanda…”. His telling of stories about the genocide really shattered my perspective on the stories. Suddenly it was all just more real to me.

                Like

                • No one is arguing that men/boys are never sexually abused. What this writer is trying to point out is that women/girls are abused constantly, by friends, family and strangers, whether it be serious physical harm or a mere inappropriate glance or hug, throughout their entire lives. That is the reality and although it can happen almost daily it is most definitely NOT ok. The sick feeling you get as you read makes that latter point most obvious.
                  Its the same sick feeling you get when you remember the times those sort of things happened to you.

                  Like

  2. Pingback: | Glasnost on WordPress.com | power of words!

    • You say it bad being born a girl? Are you not proud of who you are and who you were born as? Girls have alot of great things going for them in life, girls also have alot of things great that guys don’t. Males go through this shit as well. This is not a commonality among women, at least in developed societies; this is a rare thing, sad, but still rare.

      Be proud to be a girl, and don’t wish otherwise, as a female you have some amazing gifts and aspects that no male can have or take away from you.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I believe it is very common in developed societies, based on my experiences, those I’ve learned from friends and family, and 17 years of employment at the nations largest community mental health center where MOST of the female patients have experience with sexual abuse.

        I’m saddened that such a heartfelt outpouring of pain would generate conflict rather than support while encouraged that the young writer recognizes the varying participants responsibility not accepting it all as hers like too many do.

        Like

      • No, I am not ashamed of being born a female. But the state of females in India is a sad one. Most of the times, females in India go through things that they should have never gone through just because a cousin, an uncle, a neighbor, a teacher, a house help they were easy targets. Look at the stats and they reveal that half of these cases, parents would have forced the girl to not raise an alarm for the family reputation. Our society – this is common.
        I am a woman and I am proud of my identity. But how many can say that in the true sense?

        Like

  3. It is that difficult to be a female in India,Bangladesh,Pakistan,Afghanistan,Sri Lanka,Africa(an entire continent),middle east, Latin America and let us not forget,parts of each state! Poem pricks!

    Like

  4. Sometimes you feel there is no more fight left in you.
    Sometimes you feel it’s time to let it all go.
    Sometimes you feel you should stop reacting
    But when your fellow beings go through the same thing again and again
    You feel it’s not that time yet.

    Liked by 2 people

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  8. Wow this girl must be exceptionally unfortunate but i get it, since we must use exaggeration to sell the idea. Point put across. Nice. However its sad to know that there isnt an immediate cure because the only thing that will fully solve such an issue is a new set of morals to go by since laws will never be enough. Developing such a conscious awareness about right and wrong could take time and a lot of social engineering.

    Like

    • Hey Kevin,

      As the author of this piece, thank you for your support.

      I have chosen to reply to your comment solely because I saw something in your response that had caused me to write this poem in the first place. With regards to your usage of the word “exaggeration”, a lot of times we women are told that our accounts of harassment couldn’t have been “that bad”, or that we’re unnecessarily emphasising the story in order to gain attention or sympathy. This is extremely problematic, and has led many people to hide their accounts lest they be considered as one of the “overly dramatic girls” that popular culture loves to portray. I’m sure you can see how this is just adding to the stereotypes we continually face.

      Everything in this account is extremely personal, and unfortunately true.

      However, if I have somehow misunderstood your statement, feel free to get back to me.

      Liked by 7 people

      • Hats off to you dear writer for having the courage to give a voice to your experiences. Having gone through abuse and molestation I can relate to your post, and I understand the silence for it echoed in my heart as well. It takes great courage to admit and a greater grit to write so poignantly and express oneself. I wish you all the very best. I know life has been hard, but I hope you learn to fly! Lots of love and regards. Take care! :)

        Like

      • This did not happen to you, you are an attention seeking liar. If you would like for me to explain why I am almost certain I am right about this, we could have a conversation about it, if you would rather delete my comment and bathe in support from people who believe you for no reason, then go for it.

        Like

        • You are almost certain that you are right that somebody else’s experiences which they chose to express are all lies which were concocted to seek attention in an anonymous submission? Pray, tell. No need to wait for the author. We’d all like to know how you’re almost certain that you’re right about this.

          Like

          • While I’m just as curious as to how he derived his conclusion, you on the other hand simply demonstrated your naivety in believing anything you see and hear on the net. Congrats

            Like

        • “If you would like for me to explain why I am almost certain I am right about this, we could have a conversation about it.”

          Let’s have a conversation about it. Why are you so sure that an anonymous stranger’s poem is a lie? HOW are you so sure that an anonymous stranger’s poem is a lie? Pray, do tell.

          Like

      • Hi Anon/Author,

        First of all,being a male & on behalf of all men who condemn such behavior,I would like to say – SORRY.
        A big sorry to you & all the women who have been unfortunate to have come in contact with such
        pathetic ‘things’, who believe they are MEN.
        I can only imagine, how traumatic such experiences can be.

        However,I’m sure, you would agree, that just as not all girls/women face such situations not all men are capable of such monstrosity.

        The reason I’m posting my comment/reply here is because Kevin/Above has written about ‘social engineering ‘.

        The real & probably the only solution to this problem lies with us,the youth(Once again). The new & wannabe parents to be precise.
        I’ve always observed that it’s the girls who are taught a thousand things about public behavior & decency.The things that they should & should not do,especially around boys/men.
        But,unfortunately,the young boys are hardly,if ever,taught about the right kind of attitude/behavior towards the girls/females.
        It’s high time that they are nurtured with the right kind of upbringing, that girls/women are equal partners in society.They are much more than just the body.
        The future mothers.The hands that rule the world.

        Regards.
        (loveoverlust75@twitter)

        Like

      • Thank you for writing this. I cried when I read it because of how strongly I related to it.

        When I was 5, a family member falsely accused another family member of sexually abusing me. The people I had to talk to about called me a liar when I said that I didn’t understand what they were asking and that none of what they said was true. I was told to “stop covering for him”. I was told I “must have liked it” because I wouldn’t say he had hurt me.

        When I was 6, a teenage neighbor who sometimes babysat my brother and I would make us play “hide and seek”. While my brother was hiding, he would find me and make me give him a hand job and he would touch me through my underwear. It occurred to me that what he was doing sounded similar to the things I had been asked about a year before, which terrified me. He also said I would be in trouble if I told my mom or refused, because he was in charge and I would be punished if I didn’t do what he said.

        When I was between the ages of 7 and 10 (when I stopped riding the bus to school) 5 different boys exposed themselves to me on the bus and tried to get me to touch them.

        When I was 11, I went to church with a boy from school that I liked. His dad was the minister and his mom played piano, so we sat alone. The man who sat on the other side of me kept grabbing my leg and tried to reach up my dress. I was told that I wasn’t welcome back because I was “disruptive” during service when I yelled at him to stop.

        Around the same time and for the next several years, I had a relative who would make me lay still while he dry humped me through my clothes. When I tried to tell, I was called a liar.

        When I was 15, I decided to have sex with my boyfriend. After we broke up, he told his friends intimate details about me, which they would use to harass me in the halls at school.

        When I was 18, engaged, and pregnant with my oldest son, his father tried to throw me down a flight of stairs when I turned him down for sex because I was sick.

        While raising my son on my own, I was told that I must be a whore, because only whores are single mothers.

        When I was in my early twenties and had a rare night out, a guy at the bar grabbed me and pulled my breasts out of my shirt and bra. I slapped him and we both got kicked out of the bar. Since I wasn’t comfortable walking out alone with him there, a bouncer walked me out. He grabbed my butt on the way to my car.

        I lost count of the number of times I have been harassed since then. I did not lose track ofhow many times I have been raped. 3. Only once did I try to report it. I went to the hospital, where they put me alone in a room and left me, without even checking on me, for 5 hours. I had been drugged as well and by the time they came back, it was no longer in my system. A female nurse accused me of lying about it. “You can’t just go around accusing everyone you regret sleeping with of rape.” Those words will haunt me forever.

        I am 35 now. It hasn’t gotten better.

        Liked by 2 people

    • She’s not exceptionally unfortunate this is at least 90% fabrication that serves no purpose but to feed into the narrative of self victimization that many feminist bloggers are so deeply entrenched in. These things do not happen, plain and simple, besides maybe 1 or 2 of them. And even if they did happen in very rare isolated incidents (which I’m sure many of them have happened a few times, certainly not all to the same girl), society does not accept ANY of these. “When I was seventeen, I called for help as a drunken man tried to sexually harass me in a crowded street. The people around me seemed to walk by quicker.” This would never happen. “I was told that harassment couldn’t be as bad as us women make it out to be.” If you really don’t want to be told that, don’t make up a bunch of shit that never happens to any young woman and pass it off as some kind of ultimate truth about the sexism deeply ingrained in our society. If you want to talk about sexism, talk about it honestly, talk about things that have some empirical basis, do not talk about a bunch of things that would suck, if they actually happened.

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      • If you don’t agree, do not bash on others’ experiences. Many people go through more than you think. So, be aware that society is not what you think it is at all times. Some people are fortunate to have nothing happen to them, others have too many things happen to them. You have no idea if this is true or not, so why comment?

        Liked by 1 person

        • “You have no idea if this is true or not, so why comment?”

          Neither do you and yet here you are, defending a nameless entity by commenting. Ironic much?

          Like

          • It’s called having a little faith in humanity. It’s called sympathy. It’s called being a little more open minded and aware. Alright, let’s go with your logic, that this is “fabricated” for the sake of this comment. It still doesn’t eradicate the fact that sexual harassment still happens, is relatable to many people, and can psychologically scar them. That is a fact. The message is a little deeper than you think, friend. If you don’t believe on this account of sexual harassment, maybe you can avert your attention to the many who still face it–some who you may even know. Or you can be like the some who are blissfully unaware, so content until an opinion impedes your way of living.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Thanks for a reasonable response, pretty rare sight in this board. Let me address my stand again:

              – I acknowledge rape happens
              – I acknowledge SOME of the above instances happened to her (From which she has my sympathy)
              – Likewise I condemn the rape culture
              – But I also condemn the exaggeration/fabrication of stories for likes/pity/attention (Setting a dangerous precedent there)
              – When you build an argument/ based on a lie, you’re essentially bearing false witness
              – By your argument and many others here saying “It doesn’t matter if this fabricated/happened or not, rape is happening all over the world”, are you not passing judgement based on a stereotype?

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              • And how many women must say that this happens before you believe them? How many women must say that this happens on a normal basis? It is not as rare as you would think. Once I finally started telling my story to my girlfriends, 50% of them shared their stories right back. Things like the above happen. And all can happen to 1 person. Those instances in her poem are spread over the course of her childhood. 12 years. Yes, I believe that this is true. Are you so scared to admit that this can and does happen in order to not take responsibility for helping make a change in our society? Are you more willing to call ALL the women who do step forward liars and attention seekers rather than believe they are telling the truth and try to help make a change? I understand that there are some women out there who lie. Just like there are bad men, there are bad women. Unfortunately it takes just a few to give everyone a bad name. Both sides. And unfortunately 1 person can cause damage for multiple people, especially if they don’t think what they are doing is bad. Just as most men are not the monsters described, most women are not lying.

                Liked by 1 person

      • You should meet the guy above you, you both seem to have a lot in common. Then again, given your telepathic knowledge of the experience of other people, I’m sure you both have connected at some point.

        So. Doesn’t happen, eh? “Plain and simple.” And that’s that. I’m sorry to be the one to have to break this to you – actually, I’m not, its an unfortunate but important burden upon all of us more aware of the world we live in to educate those such as yourself who seem to live in naive and blind ignorance of it – but ALL of this happens. Even your crowded street denial. I’m afraid you seem to hold society to the same standard that you hold yourself, and while you would not stand any of it or let it happen in your presence, you’re holding society to a higher standard than it’s comfortable with right now. I know what you’re thinking, I didn’t think your standard was particularly high either, but what you gonna do, you know? All of it happens. And society stands idly by while all of it happens. Well, I’d like to think we’re in the process of change right now. Hopefully I’ll be alive to look back at now and think that I was correct about it changing. But right now – society stinks. Many of my friends have faced some of it. And they all told me about it independently before this was published. Ask your friends, I’m sure they have as well.
        Unless .. wait .. you don’t think that these girls possess the same telepathic abilities that you and upstairs person seem to possess and have colluded to spread this? Anonymous doesn’t hide telepathic connections, amiright?

        So yeah. It does happen. And it does suck. You can be the jerk claiming to know that its false (I gotta know. Are you the same jerk as upstairs jerk or is that a different jerk?), or you can start realizing that some shit has gots to change around here for women to feel comfortable.

        Also, I have to ask, even assuming you’re correct about the 90% fabrication, which 10% of what she’s said here doesn’t qualify as extremely unfortunate?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Absolutely pathetic of you to undermine someone’s experiences that they were brave enough to share. I urge you to learn a bit more about the gender you’re discrediting before you spout bullshit like this in the future.

        Liked by 2 people

      • You are an entitled prick who has eyes but perhaps has never opened them to see what’s happening around. Walk up to your sister, mother, best friend, girlfriend, wife, or daughter – whosoever you hold dear to yourself in your life, and ask.
        I have no idea who this woman is. I read the poem five minutes back. I am 25, an emancipated working class woman. But THESE have happened to me at different points in life –

        1. Cajoled into being fondled and kissed by an elder cousin – Age 8
        2. Violated while I was sleeping on the middle berth, between my parents – Age 9
        3. Masturbated at by a stranger loony on the street. Age 11
        4. Masturbated at by an auto driver. Age 18
        5. Ass pinched on the first (and last) ride of Delhi Green Bus – Age 21

        I am not even talking about the innumerable times I’ve been objectified. Screw all the eve teasing and the catcalls and the normalized discriminatory practices.
        I am just trying to recall the many instances of being “molested” in some way, and sure as hell my fuzzy 25 year old brain is missing a few events.

        So now, PRAY TELL ME douchebag, what empirical evidence do you need? How do I convince your cynical highness that this narrative is as frighteningly real as it gets?

        Actually, I don’t care to. Just don’t dare utter such preposterous nonsense on a real forum with women physically present. You will walk away with a broken jaw, which I surprisingly look forward to, in your case.

        Liked by 3 people

      • Oh I would that what you say is true. But since I know of these things happening to women……and I’m talking in the US……you are wrong. Pure and simple. These things happen. I wish they didn’t.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’d love to know how you came to this conclusion. Clearly, you possess telepathic powers that allow you to see past the veil of anonymity and into a person’s mind to divine whether or not they are telling the truth.

        “Society does not accept any of these”. No, society just accepts making women strip down naked and walk amongst a crowd, or khap panchayat decrees that order that they be raped.

        “If you really don’t want to be told that, don’t make up a bunch of shit that never happens to any young woman.” Because you, in your capacity as anonymous commenter on a random post on the Internet, would be so qualified to come to that conclusion. You’re talking about “things that have some empirical basis” – do go through the hundreds and hundreds of studies that detail the harassment and abuse that women face on a daily basis, and come to an empirical conclusion of your own.

        Liked by 1 person

      • These things never happen? Where do you live exactly? I live in New York City and I have seen some of these things happen plenty of times, and I have gone through my own very painful experiences with sexual harassment. Drunk men do come on to women in public, many do turn a blind eye. I’ve had a drunk man hit on two of my friends once, and when I came to their defense only two other women told the man to stay away from us. We were on the ferry, and there were many others around us who simply stayed quiet and looked away, or were staring right at us but still silent. I’ve been sent dirty and hateful messages from men that appear in my Facebook Others folder, something I never look at anymore. One time I was waiting for the bus, in broad daylight, and a when a man in a white van drove by making kissy faces at me I ignored him. You know what he did? He opened his door and almost got out of his car. The fear I felt in that moment was something else, and I was ready to run all the way back home if he came any closer. Thankfully, the light turned green and he had to get back in and the van drove away. I still went to school that day. I was molested by another student in my AP Chem class when I was 15. Right in the middle of class, and I did nothing because we were in class and I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. A few days later, I asked for a seat change. I never reported him, I never explained why I wanted the seat change, and I regret it to this day. I’m 22 now. You know what I learned that day? Nowhere is safe for me. There is nowhere on this Earth where I will ever feel safe from predators. So don’t sit there and tell us women (and some men) that shit like this doesn’t happen because it does. You may not see it, you may not hear about it, but it does and the reason you don’t know is because most victims know no one will ever believe them. Most victims know nothing will ever be done about it, and if something can be done it will never be enough. It will never erase the shame, sorrow, pain, embarrassment, and horror we have felt.

        Anonymous or not, you should believe in this woman. The problem with society is that no one believes. Bill Cosby got away with raping and sexually assaulting 51 women for so long because no one believed in the women who came forward. The only reason the allegations were given more attention was because Hannibal Buress, a man, accused him of these things. Accusations from women started in 2000, Hannibal accused Bill in 2014. It took 14 years for anyone to take the victims seriously, and it was because of a man. If you don’t believe this woman’s poem, or my own experiences, then you are part of the problem.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Why would you think that that wouldn’t happen? People look the other way all the time. Unless you personally know the author and she told you these were lies you have no reason to be writing that non of this happened. You’re doing exactly what she’s writing about by saying she’s fabricating real things that happened to her.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Firstly, it’s a poem. And things like these DO happen to women. There was an experiment done in Norway where a rape was staged inside of a car, using a recording of a woman screaming for help. The purpose of the experiment was to see how people would react had it been a real situation of assault. No one who passed by even bothered to intervene, and a lot of the pedestrians DID walk by faster to get away from the situation rather than to investigate. So it shows that most people do in fact turn a blind eye when someone, especially a woman, is in a potentially dangerous situation. And I’ll have to say again that it’s a poem. Not a personal memoir of events from the author’s life, but an account of incidents that HAVE happened to girls and women.

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      • You are incredibly ignorant. Read a book. Or perhaps the newspaper. Assuming you are capable of reading… and that assumption may be quite a stretch. :)

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      • I was at a party and had a complete stranger walk up to me and grab my breasts. When I lost my temper and pushed him away from me, which caused him to trip and fall, several people stepped in to defend him. They said things like “calm down, that’s just how he is” or rolled their eyes at me and said I was over reacting and it was no big deal because he was drunk. Please don’t think you can’t get sexually assaulted in a crowd, or that someone will save you. Also, I could rattle off a list very similar to the writer’s experience from the age of 5 or 6 and well into my twenties.

        Liked by 1 person

      • “These things do not happen, plain and simple.” These things DO happen and society DOES accept these things. I work as a Forensic Interviewer at a Child Advocacy Center. Everyday I talk to children ages 3-17 years old who are victims of sexual assault and abuse. You would be surprised how many children are seen at our center more than once, for allegations regarding more than one perpetrator, and how many children did not report something right away because they thought what was happening to the was ok. While the purpose of the forensic interview is to collect a victim statement so hopefully charges will be filled by a prosecutor, charges are filed maybe 40% of the time. What sort of message does that give to a little girl who has already been a victim multiple times?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Really? You are willfully ignorant. In doing so, you are an enabler. Do not downplay this, there is no vanilla with your coffee here. And it’s sick…your laissez faire attitude. Wake up or at least do everyone a favour and quit spouting off false information based on nothing. What on earth do you mean “these things do not happen, besides maybe one or two of them”??!?!?! “It” just happened, in broad daylight, on a fucking train filled with people too scared to do anything about it a few days ago in the middle of rush hour in Toronto. Why!?!?! Probably because half the fucking people on that train have been sexually harassed and are powerless in the face of any kind of sexual violence! Here’s what just happened, exactly echoing that of the example you held up as being an impossible occurrence, in relation to the poem. http://www.vice.com/en_ca/read/what-should-you-do-when-someone-is-being-sexually-harassed-in-public?fb_comment_id=1113378695353959_1114424895249339&comment_id=1114424895249339#f199de970 -and while you are at it read some of her- http://www.theguardian.com/world/2012/sep/01/lydia-cacho-mexican-journalist-interview- work to understand how sexual violence, sex slavery, abuse, pedophilia is ingrained and protected in our world. Deeply. I am 44. My mother was almost sold into slavery in a European country when she was 17-and nothing has changed buddy. Children, women, men are sexually abused, sold as slaves, etc., everyday, right now. Wake the fuck up:) It’s about power.

        Liked by 1 person

    • your first sentence totally undermines her experience.. and yes you are a male.. so that in itself means you really aren’t part of the conversation. It’s her experience.. your opinion and judgement do not matter. “use exaggeration to sell the idea’? you are ignorant.

      Liked by 1 person

    • You sir are part of the problem. This girl is not just “exceptionally unfortunate”. This is a story not unlike MANY girls. How do I know? I am ONE of those girls. And as I have shared my story I have had people feel comfortable enough to share their stories. I have heard similar things from dozens of women. I myself am 47 now and the scars and pain are real. If this story helps one young women, it was worth posting.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Pingback: "When I Was 6-Years-Old, I Gave My First Blowjob."

  10. Pingback: “When I Was 6-Years-Old, I Gave My First Blowjob.” - %

    • FYI, “ugly and fat” women are subjected to as much harassment as those whom you might consider more conventionally beautiful. Also, loose clothing does shit to prevent someone from harassing you. The idea isn’t that a man gets “provoked” by tight clothing; it’s that the woman’s body is fair game for anyone, no matter if they’re wearing a crop top or a burqa.

      Liked by 1 person

      • A lot of what you just said is absolutely incorrect or unproven. Please provide the evidence that supports your first statement: “FYI, “ugly and fat” women are subjected to as much harassment as those whom you might consider more conventionally beautiful.” It shouldn’t be too hard: some interviews, a few dozen surveys, and statistics will suffice. As for your last point, which the one I disagree with the most: I’ve personally interviewed three women who wear their burka 100% of the time, and they claim that they get stared at less, they feel less exposed, they receive almost no catcalls and they feel generally more comfortable in public when it comes to creepy men being creepy. And could you please show me your degree in psychology and/or extensive research on the motives behind rape? Oh wait, you can’t provide proof for anything you said because you were talking about of your ass. Typical.

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        • Not sure what’s with the downvotes but this guy preaches truth! Evidence and hard data people, looks like common sense isn’t very common lol

          To the people downvoting him: For fuck sakes please think with your brain instead of your heart.

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          • This isn’t a science class and we don’t live in a closed lab. You can’t replicate a real world experience. Don’t be so daft with hollow arguments. If your so afraid of the truth, then don’t be a troll. Your tactics of nay-saying are boring, and do nothing but show the guilt and entitlement you posses in your own life. It is very obvious to me what you are.. and to others reading your remarks. The louder you crow the more we see.

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  11. This is one of the least accurate descriptions of modern gender relations I could possibly conceive. Six year olds dont ask each other for blowjobs, and if some little kid actually did convince her to do this (somehow, which is a stretch) she would tell her parents about it. Maybe she gets sent to the principal after throwing sand in his eyes, but after she explained what happened the boy would get into huge trouble, I don’t care if your in a San Francisco school or a private christian school in Alabama… Pedophile teachers don’t stay teachers for long, if she told her parents about the incident after school the teacher would be investigated and likely fired. If you havent learned not to show your private parts to people by the time you’re nine, even after all these ridiculous sexual incidents that supposedly happened to her in the first 8 years of her life, then you are in serious need of help. Almost all of these are just insane scenarios that are not serious issues facing us today, but women (and people in general, but in this instance women) want so badly to victimize themselves that they read this and just agree right away because it’s convenient for them… Maybe one or two of these things are actually issues that affect a significant (like >1%) amount of young females in modern western society… Most of it is easily and unambiguously identifiable as complete bullshit that didn’t happen to this author and doesn’t happen to anyone…

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    • Please note that this happened in India. Have you ever been there? Also, the six-year-old comment – read it again. It is regarding an older man who asked this of the six-year-old.

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      • I’m Indian, does my comment hold water?

        “…women (and people in general, but in this instance women) want so badly to victimize themselves that they read this and just agree right away because it’s convenient for them…”

        The amount of shares and likes by users above only serve to prove his point. Then again, everyone loves a little attention even if it meant falsifying (albeit partially) an engaging article for the masses, wouldn’t they?

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        • @Yawn
          Who are you to determine whether or not her story is exaggerated or not. I grew up as an army brat and lived everywhere from Germany to Tennessee to Bahrain to Korea, and I will say, I was sexually abused and harassed in every place I lived after age 8.

          I was told by my friend’s neighbor when we were sent over to go swimming that no one should wear clothes, because in the bible, Adam and Eve did not wear clothes in the Garden of Eden until Eve ate the forbidden fruit. So he would have us take our clothes off and tell us not to tell our parents because they wouldn’t understand and he could get in a lot of trouble. I was 9 years old and very naive.

          In Bahrain, I was 10 and had old men catcalling me. I had one guy put up his two fingers and lick between them. At the time I did not know that it was a sign for licking a vagina, but I knew it was something bad. I had a guy ask to give me a ride after I got off the bus from school and was heading home. I politely refused and ran inside as fast as possible.

          At age 11 we moved to Korea. In the hotel we were staying while waiting to find a home, a friend and I were on our way to the hotel pool when some drunk guys came out of their room and ask us to come inside. A year later I was walking home with a friend when a group of korean boys ran up on us and groped us and ran away. A year after that I was on my way home from school when a man started following me with his pants undone, jacking off.

          There were countless times throughout the years when men have unnecessarily pushed up against me while riding public transportation.

          This is no exaggerated. These are real encounters. This is a very real problem for so many women and children.

          So to see someone so ignorant, who does not even know what it’s like to grow up as a young girl in a society that is male-dominated, try to discredit someone else’s experiences, is very disturbing and disheartening. I pray no woman or child dear to you has to endure these types of experiences. But as long as there are people who choose to turn a blind eye on these very real occurrences, and tries to dismiss them as over exaggerations, these societal changes will take even longer to come about.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Cool story sis, try not to cherry pick cases like another commentor below about loony bins masturbating and drunkards misbehaving, these are isolated incidents. Try arguing that in the eyes of the law and see where’d they end up, prison or the mental institute.

            Rape culture in India doesn’t simply stem from it being a male-dominated society. I mean ffs even the feminism (Gender equality btw) movement here is being criticized left right center by other feminist groups for being too skewed toward woman. Compounding these are the effects of the caste system so please, engage yourself in world politics and geopolitics more often before sprouting rubbish in your argument.

            Her whole poem reeks of exaggeration – because the stars and moon aligned and unfortunate things happened to her annually huh? And likewise I’ll question you and the rest of you dimwits, “who are you to determine whether the story isn’t exaggerated? But like I said, you have to admit, it’s an engaging story no?

            Like

    • Wow, I’m pretty sure you’re living in some utopia in your head. Thinking like this is so narrow-minded and self-serving. I’m sorry to break reality to you but I and many women around the world can attest to a number of these situations. And all that about, “oh well, she could have done this”, or “she could have done that” or “she should have known to report him/her”, is besides the point. In all the scenarios, you’re placing blame on this woman. Not only that, but I think you’re also missing the human element– not everything has a logical follow-up or development. How would a six year old know anything about that act and its implications? You’re trying to fit together pieces of a puzzle and make something logical out of something that’s already so jagged and fucked up. Pieces don’t fit, things don’t ever work out logically and of course not when you’re young and impressionable and there are people who purposefully take advantage of that. It’s a fucked up world and not always will there be justice or immediate push-back, unfortunately. You don’t even know the context of her circumstances and yet you feel you can judge or falsify her statements. Why not enlighten yourself, gain some empathy, and open your eyes to the world that your mother, sisters, friends all live in and you’ll find its a lot dimmer and darker that you believed. Sorry to burst your bubble.

      Maybe you haven’t heard of stories like these (which are sadly common) because the women around you don’t want to seem “over-dramatic” or like they’re “playing the victim”, just as you ascertained above. It’s people like you that set a precedent of silence in women in regards to harassment.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I am 54 years old, from the American Midwest. EVERY ONE of these things happened to me at one time or another before I was 18. The circumstances and exact ages were different, but the actual events were the same.

      I turned 18 and reclaimed my body and my life.

      ANYBODY who says this doesn’t/didn’t happen is foolish and a man.

      Liked by 2 people

      • YES! I am 47 and I had several of these things happen too sadly , right here in the good old USA. I was taught young to be quiet, obey elders, etc. I stayed quiet for a long time. I was molested starting at age 8. When I finally came forward about myself many other women opened up to me. MANY women went through things just like this. The scars will always be there, I just hope I have taught my daughters well.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Guess again, maybe it was an older sibling whom she trusted. “Lick it like it’s an all day sucker”
      “Don’t tell anyone, it’s our secret”, “they won’t understand “. This does happen, today and more importantly 40 years ago! This happened to me! So, anyone who thinks this is bulls hit can such the same all day sucker!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. It’s because of posts like these that women of india trail women from other countries as far as development, broad – mindedness and other aspects in their personality are concerned -which make us mammals humans….it’s indeed inhumane to put anyone through all the trauma mentioned above – be it man/woman…..but to make a heroic post derived out of that trauma (and of course exaggerated) and self – victimise themselves is completely derogatory and a loud cry for attention…i would like to end this post by going as far as to say that the ones sharing this post have a fetish for self – victimising themselves and will in the longer run miss out on the wonderful journey of life…lost in fake adolescent rebellion and the fake glory of being a woman (which they never deserved)

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  16. You are very brave, and thank you for sharing some of your personal life with us, strangers. There is a lot still wrong with society, but making your voice loud inspires many who have silenced for years.

    We need to fight hard so this happens to no one. You need to understand that even if it is not often, it happens to boys too, and no human being should live through this. Let’s fight all, together, against monstrosity.

    Hope you find on each comment, some strength to go on, and fight for your happiness. You can count on all of them, you can count on me. Always.

    Like

  17. Yes, it is unfortunate to see such ignorance, but what can we expect from humanity? We are obviously not yet living in a harmonious world. Some people may not realize it, but some of the comments on here exemplify the scorn, misunderstanding, and ignorance that the author is talking about. We are so used to this dog-eat-dog world that we repeat the behavior that hurt us, and close our hearts and minds to the truth.

    We need clear communication to address the problems in society, not attacking and discrediting eachother. The problem with sexual and other abuse is not entirely the fault of men either. All I can say now is, there are evil influences and expectations in society that have trained the minds of young boys to behave and think a certain way around women and girls, and sometimes we never heal or develop further than that.

    But as a man I can say to you that I, and many of us, want to bring about a transformation to he divine masculine in ourselves, work to heal our brothers and sisters, and work together as one.

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  18. I can’t imagine that people believe that these thing don’t happen, ask your mothers and sisters and female friends about their experiences. I have been harassed multiple times even with my partner present, often when there are groups of men and just me and my husband. Those situations are scary because when your husband tries to stick up for you all of a sudden multiple men are wanting to fight, so they are double cowardly. Only two weeks ago I was followed by a man twice my age off the street into a restaurant to tell me I was pretty and ask if he could buy me dinner or a drink, it was predatory not flattering. Seeing him hanging around outside and having to walk to my car was intimidating. I have had a man sit down next to me to talk to me in a public place and I was not rude to him as i am a friendly person, he asked if he could show me a picture of his children and then got out a bunch of pornographic pictures of women. My mother tells me stories of being flashed often as a teenager and when babysitting being called into rooms where the husband was masturbating or watching porn. Men masturbating outside women’s houses. All things that happen all the time… So how can people deny that these things go on every day? That is two incidences from a lifetime of things like this! I have many worse stories that I don’t want to share but those are examples of everyday for us. I see that many people on here are from India but I am from Australia and it happens here too so I am sure it happens in every country. Ask the women in China about the public transport! I do all of the ‘right things’ i dress relatively conservatively, don’t go out alone at night AT ALL, I don’t attention seek, I am not a ‘meek’ woman and yet I still find myself having to downcast my eyes when I walk past groups of men because they feel the need to comment on me or get the idea that I want to talk to them.

    I am in no way saying that all men are like this, there are fantastic men out there and I have many great male friends who have never put me in an uncomfortable situations. I think people just need to understand how it feels to live with a constant fear/lingering threat.

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  20. Today on things that may not entirely have happened (Not all of it at least?)

    You have my sympathy, what with the trauma you’ve undergone but I’m definitely taking this post with a pinch of salt. Here’s hoping nothing unfortunate befall on you ever again less you take it upon yourself in coming up with five other scenarios to garner pity/attention.

    Like

      • Like one of my replies above, unless you can prove its authenticity, try not to treat post like these as gospel.

        Admittedly, intentions maybe genuine, but exaggerating stories (if she did) only serves to place you on the same moral ground as those you so despise.

        Like

        • Did you even read her comment? Also acknowledge the many people who relate to her with numerous similar experiences.

          You’re literally just brushing of her instances of rape and harassment because you don’t think it could possibly be true. Wake up. We go through this every day.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Dude, did you even read my comment?

            In which instance did I ever question her experiences? I said SOME parts are EXAGGERATED. My claim is that not all her points mentioned are true, and yes this is me after taking in to account numerous experiences by others.

            Shudder to think what the future holds with you lawyers to be believing everything at face value.

            Like

            • Ah. You. You must be that very special douchebag who tells women not to overreact. You have to be one of those ‘chill out yaar, itna bhadak kyun rahi hai.’ I know you. I’ve met you.
              I told you to fuck off.

              Liked by 1 person

              • I see logic evades many here, so let me spell it out to you this time:

                Neither did I dismiss the fact that SOME of these unfortunate events occurred nor have I told her not to overreact (which you’ve so clearly insinuated). And again, she has my sympathies.

                It is her (very possibly exaggerated) story that led me to stark disbelieve. I mean come on, annually from 6 – 18 she was harassed consecutively? You’d think she wise up and travel around with a buddy by now, but then again, there’s a nice ring to it yes?

                It is highly probably that some parts of it were made up to craft a more engaging story, which in this case, you and some others above are the actual idiots that gobble this shit up without questioning its authenticity. This brings me about to the next point (mentioned above). IF you’re going to falsely make up certain parts of a true story (just like some reporters would) in order to grab the attention of readers or merely to “raise awareness”, you lose all credibility to your cause you’re fighting for.

                Case in point: Look at the Syrian boy Aylan who drowned and his family’s plight.

                So once again, before you actually overreact, think twice on what I wrote and reflect upon them, especially before you graduate from the institute. One less reckless lawyer running around the better.

                Like

                • “You’d think she’d wise up and travel around with a buddy by now.”

                  1) Having someone else around often does nothing to stave off sexual harassment.

                  2) So the onus is on the woman to find someone else to accompany her in order to ensure that she doesn’t get harassed?

                  Also, most women are harassed far more often than once a year. The fact that she chose to highlight these particular events – one from each year – doesn’t mean that harassment didn’t take place far more often.

                  But let’s for a moment assume that this poem is, in fact, fictional. Let’s assume that it’s intended to talk about the general plight of women. Do you really think that these things don’t happen on a daily basis? How does the poem’s veracity in any way affect the overarching truth – that women, all women, are subjected to harassment at some point in their lives? That most of the time, this kind of harassment is persistent and occurs frequently? That there are “certain areas of town” that we are told to avoid in order to prevent such incidents from happening to us?

                  Is the onus not on the people who take part in such harassment to stop harassing rather than the woman to ensure that she isn’t harassed?

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • Finally, some common sense in the reply, sure I’ll entertain.

                    1) It sure as hell reduces your chances though.

                    2) It is and always the aggressor’s responsibility to be educated in the issues of modesty. -> Leading to your final sentence “Is the onus not on the people who take part in such harassment to stop harassing rather than the woman to ensure that she isn’t harassed?” Having said that however, it takes time to cultivate such a huge behavioral/social change in the society (Not that I’m blaming anyone).

                    “Also, most women are harassed far more often than once a year. The fact that she chose to highlight these particular events – one from each year – doesn’t mean that harassment didn’t take place far more often.” – Really? Debatable. The rapid globalization of India has no doubt brought about Westernized ideals unto the country and with the assistance of social media (and with it, shaming), one would be inclined to think that aggressors tend to be more careful not to overstep their boundaries. I could even provide case study examples but I’m not going to waste my time.

                    “Do you really think that these things don’t happen on a daily basis.” – Daily? Sure…only with a larger sample size of women, not to a single female in that frequency though. See, here you’re just generalizing.

                    As for the rest of your argument, you completely missed my point. I specifically said, IF her article is partially made up just so to rouse the emotions of the reader, she has already lost the moral high ground. You’re essentially using a lie (be it partial) to combat another transgression and you know what they say about 2 wrongs. The danger of condoning a behavior such as lying for one’s cause would certainly lead you down the rabbit hole and if you’re begging for equality, you’d best not cast the first stone.

                    Like

                    • 1) I should not be obliged to find a male (or female) companion whenever I step outside my campus. Telling women to find a companion in order to stave of harassment is both sexist and impractical. Besides, as a woman, I’ve faced harassment regardless of whether there’s a male or female companion with me, and I know that many others have faced the same. The “companion” argument assumes that both people will speak out at the time of harassment, which is often impossible, keeping in mind that the situation is often one involving aggression and intimidation.

                      2) Refer to above.

                      Please, do provide case study examples, because this shaming culture doesn’t seem to have stopped male aggression. Brought it into the limelight, certainly, but the objectification and commodification of women ensures that men still feel comfortable sexually harassing women on the streets, on modes of transport, and elsewhere.

                      With regard to these incidents happening on a daily basis – you missed my point there. I was trying to point out that women, as a whole, face sexual harassment on a daily basis, and repeatedly. The same person may indeed be harassed once each year, as illustrated in this poem, but it is far more likely that the incidents will occur with far greater frequency (especially if you factor in street harassment).

                      Assuming that this poem (not an article) is, in fact, fictional – which it has the right to be, given artistic license – that does not take away from its ability to illustrate the kind of abuse faced by women as a whole over their lifetime.

                      Like

                • why is it impossible that something tragic and inherently misogynistic happened to her every year of her life for 12 years straight. I never took this to be her personal experience but instead a poet speaking in a million voices of women oppressed harassed and made to feel less than human every day all over the world. But the truth is those experiences could be that of exactly that woman and countless others. Same way those very people in society who are responsible for discrimination always say its impossible for any minority to experience racism pretty much every day of their life (if it was only once every year then that would likely be called progress). Now think about that for a second and tell me that a clear minded individual can logically conclude that no woman on earth could face events as tragic as those described above for 18 consecutive year? I am just surprise that it happened only once per year…but then again I think the whole story is just figurative and the reality is likely much worse. But of course it the fault of over zealous lawyers somehow….smdh

                  Like

    • wait so do you literally spend your entire day commenting on shit telling women they are lying about their experiences with sexual harassment? Because you seem to be commenting a whole lot on this post, which you might think comes off as really clever and witty, but it’s actually pretty pathetic. If you wanna be “logical” like you claim to be, then we can agree that we just don’t/CAN’T possibly know if what the author says is true, but that also means that you don’t know it is NOT true, and you keep stating your (shitty) opinion as fact. You can’t say that people are being illogical for believing this account, but argue that you KNOW it’s false because that’s just plain impossible and completely goes against your initial argument (we can’t know what is or is not true) . I understand that, for some reason that is beyond me, you want to get a rise out of people while maintaining some sort of “I’m not an asshole I’m just being rational” facade, but there’s skepticism and then there’s just being an asshole.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Almost every woman I know has at least one similar story to tell. When I was fifteen I was chased through the city by seven men in a yellow van. My parents wouldn’t let me come back home after 10.
    My grandmother was attacked by a neighbour. She wanted to rape her. She managed to escape. After that he was always saying “Good morning” as if nothing happened.

    Like

  22. @tkainaz
    I couldn’t add another thread so I’m replying here.

    1) Yeah yeah yeah, the same old “I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT” bs. Google the definition of deterrent and while you’re at it, you can probably write a paper on why our country places so much emphasis on its military strength and blue water navy. And btw, having a companion by your side sure beats being alone in terms of calling for help/dialing for assistance/ganging up on the aggressor/bide for time/harass/distract and the list goes on.

    2) …you’re seriously going to make me do all the work aren’t you: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=indian+man+shamed+for+rape

    Like I mentioned, these things take time and which many are beginning to feel the effects if they haven’t already. You don’t expect to reap your harvest overnight do you?

    And as to your last point, no I didn’t misunderstand you, vice versa more like. No offence, you really need to step up your comprehension game. In essence, you’re justifying the glorification of victimization based on “artistic license”. You’re kidding right? There are certainly other avenues to voice out and make changes if one is really determined. Using this board as an a platform and excuse to “reach out to the masses” isn’t really a strong argument. You want change? Be the change!

    So bringing everything back to my point, one simple doesn’t rely on made-up sob stories in little outreach forums like this to bring about awareness. It only serves to invite “likes” to oneself, if you’re into the whole emo-momo self-pitying subculture that is.

    Like

    • Yeah, it’s the “I can do whatever I want” BS. Because “You need someone else to go with you.” doesn’t cut it anymore. This country shouldn’t be in a situation where I can’t go to the local store alone. How do you not see something wrong with that?

      You’re going to make the old “change is gradual” point again? Newsflash: There is almost no change. Your link talks about an isolated incident where an individual is shamed for being a rapist. I can link a dozen more where “educated” people, members of “civil society”, and the people who are supposed to represent us in Parliament talk about why girls deserve to get raped. Where people talk about how eating chowmein leads to rape, wearing short skirts leads to rape, wearing jeans leads to rape and what not. Want me to link those? There is an ingrained culture of victim-blaming in our society, and pointing out the uncomfortable truth, that women are harassed on a daily basis, isn’t “wallowing in self-pity” or “sob stories”.

      Let’s talk about reality. Where women change the way they reach places or the way they do certain things in order to prevent being ogled, harassed, and essentially, avoid the possibility of sexual harassment. The reason they don’t ride in general compartments in metros. Why they rarely go to the market alone. (BTW, if you go through the poem once again, you can see that one of the parts deals with a man publicly masturbating while the author and her friends were all present. Because other people were clearly such a deterrent.)

      Let’s talk about other avenues of engagement. Like this one. Where people like you take the opportunity to (anonymously) belittle other people who talk about their personal experiences. Does that make you feel better about your life? Congratulations! You are now an internet warrior. You’ve earned your golden badge. Are you happy now?

      Why can we not have a conversation about sexual harassment and rape culture without having a dozen different people telling us about how we don’t have it so bad? Please stop projecting your own expectations of feminity upon other people who have to go through this on a daily basis. Your ideas about the “victim” narrative are so grossly misplaced that I can’t even begin to address them. Here’s another newsflash: this stuff does happen to people everyday. You aren’t “looking for likes” if you acknowledge it and speak out about it. People like you, who roll their eyes every time someone else dares to talk about their personal experiences, don’t help contribute to this other narrative that you so desperately want.

      Let’s talk about deterrents. Let’s talk about pepper spray, and the reason it was invented and why it’s become so popular. Or anti-rape nail polish. Yeah, that’s a thing. They literally had to invent something so that women could check their drinks at bars to ensure that they weren’t going to be drugged and raped. How do you not see something wrong with that? Again, why is the onus always on the woman to ensure that she isn’t going to be raped?

      Yeah, I want change. I’m tired of the good old “it’s a slow process” argument. There is no progress. No matter what, you will always find someone there who will be willing to roll their eyes and blame you, or make another patronizing remark about how you could have avoided harassment if you’d just done this one extra thing. Congratulations, anonymous Internet warrior. You’ve won. I no longer have the energy for this conversation.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I didn’t say there isn’t anything wrong with rape culture. Read my comments above, all of them were condemning this notion. What you don’t seem to understand is I also condemn resorting to half-truths like this post in view of change.

        Yeah, because cherry-picking isolated incidents is such a credible argument huh. For crying out loud, how about some credible/sourced articles to back up your claim. Here are some for instance, on the positive changes globalization has had on the country’s well-being of rape:

        – Thomson Reuters Foundation speaks out against Rape (Not just in India)
        – Emergency helplines for tourists
        – Growing feminist movement in India
        – General growing awareness/outrage and protests against rape cases (For instance: Sisters of brother eloped; Bollywood speaking out; MARD movement; 2012 Delhi incident; Saudi Diplomat)
        – Wide media reports and coverage (Not just locally, worldwide)
        – Expanding laws on the subject matter (And btw, India has a high conviction for such cases)

        “No” change there.

        Reality – So let me pose you a question. What happened to those fathers/brothers/sons/relatives of the women who got raped? As victims of this damning culture, do they not condemn the actions of rapists as well? See this is what I meant by positive changes and how it takes time for the society to adapt. Just because it isn’t visible doesn’t mean it isn’t taking place (Like climate change for instance). And as for the masturbating individual: I’m a male and EVEN if a woman were to do it in front of me, I’d honestly think she is a loony and walk away/ignore whatever (Unless you’re begging for him to get shot/beaten, then you’re really not looking for Justice, that’s Revenge and I’d suggest a change in career).

        Avenues of Engagement – You do realize that by insinuating that I am an internet warrior, you are very well becoming one yourself (if not already)? And yeah, me shattering the myth that is your “truth” this article held does not equate to me belittling one’s experience. It only goes to show I value honesty, which is more than what I can say for you. You’d probably get into bed (pardon the pun) with a crook just to get rid of a rapist.

        You’re not hearing me, I didn’t say we can’t have a conversation on rape but nice Strawman fallacy you have there. I’m sticking to caps this time less you misunderstand again. TALK ABOUT RAPE BUT DON’T LIE ABOUT IT. And nah you aren’t looking for “Likes”, you’re looking for affirmation of love/TLC/pity because your life sucks boohoo. Pathetic much?

        Deterrence – You do know that the whole reason pepper spray/toothed female condoms and other stuff you mentioned didn’t originate from India right? You do realize that rape culture persists everywhere else too right? Stop putting yourself atop a pedestal and broaden your perspective. Change needs to happen at a larger scale, refer to the above mentioned.

        “There is no progress.” – Whoa there, sources? Refer to my above examples. Need more ideas? Organize talks and events in our campus, start small, play a part instead of just complaining.

        Basically, you want change but you’re not willing to volunteer and step up for it. You want change but you want it to be handed in a silver platter. You want change but you want it RIGHT NOW. You want change and you’d blame everyone else. You want change and you’re willing to lie for it. That sums it up yes? Oh and uh, not one reader/commentor here could debunk my claim that the post is a lie (Which it probably is to make up for a not-so-engaging story). Sigh…

        I must admit our conversation shed some light on your character too. Ready for the hard truth? You have a myopic view on things and you’d probably just complain about anything that isn’t going your way behind the safety of your computer screen instead of going out there and fight for it. You fail, and you fail hard.

        Like

        • Open a newspaper. Go to the “Nation” section of said newspaper (even “City” will do). Observe how many cases of sexual assault are reported everyday. Reflect on the fact that this is not even close to the number of sexual assaults reported to the police everyday, and the number that are still unreported.

          If you want, I can actually link you to multiple articles from today’s newspaper. Do let me know.

          “Cherry picking isolated incidents” – these are not isolated incidents. This is reality. This is what happens everyday, not just in this country but across the world. The instances that you mentioned? Those are isolated incidents. Learn the difference.

          Yeah, there’s no change. A few organisations mobilizing and talking about rape certainly mean that there’s an impetus towards change, but that doesn’t mean larger societal change, which is what I believe you were referring to earlier. Sorry if I got that wrong; I thought you were talking about actual change than a few press releases.

          “What happened to those fathers/brothers/sons/relatives of the women who got raped? As victims of this damning culture, do they not condemn the actions of rapists as well?” This is just confusing, kindly explain. How are the fathers/brothers/sons/relatives of the women who get raped victims of this damning culture? By being associated to the person who was raped?
          You talk about rape culture being a worldwide phenomenon. I wholeheartedly agree. It’s not as though it isn’t present in other parts of the world. I was focussing on India because it’s where I live and where I’ve experienced the worst parts of a culture that seems geared towards telling women that they’re inferior and worth less at every turn. But don’t forget about one other special feature of the global south: honour killings! Where women are killed and lashed for the crime of getting raped. Fun.

          “And as for the masturbating individual: I’m a male and EVEN if a woman were to do it in front of me…” Publicly masturbating individuals are rather touched in the head. Do tell me, though – how many times has a woman publicly masturbated before you? How many times have you encountered a story where a woman publicly masturbates in the news? And how many times do men publicly masturbate in order to make women uncomfortable? Let’s reflect on that, too, while we’re on this spree of examining stuff.
          I don’t want a publicly masturbating person to get shot/beaten. I want him to stop. I want him to have never masturbated in the first place, and to never ever think that he’s entitled to do so. Is that really too much to ask?

          “You’d probably get into bed with a crook just to get rid of a rapist.” Wow. Just wow.

          You’re not hearing me, either. I’m saying that IT DOESN’T MATTER IF THIS POEM IS FALSE. (See, I have the CapsLock key, too!). Kudos on being so stuck on that presumption, by the way. It doesn’t matter if the poem is false, because it reflects the reality that women collectively have to face every day. I don’t know how many more times I’ll have to type out this particular sentence before you’re ready to engage with it.

          Have you ever considered that this person might just want to share their story? Or, better yet, might just want to acknowledge that their gender faces harassment on a daily basis? But then there’re people like you who crawl out of the woodwork in an attempt to rationalise this by insisting that it’s for likes or shares or for whatever else you think up. It doesn’t even matter if they want acknowledgement; why shouldn’t they want acknowledgement? What’s wrong with acknowledgement? How does that in any way take away from what they’re saying?

          Also, no, we don’t want your pity. We want you to start acknowledging the fact that we’re human beings who’re subject to a different standard than you are, and that your precious little comments do nothing but reinforce that divide.

          Also, about the Internet warrior thing – Yeah, sure. But at least I’m trying to make a difference. Maybe I’m also doing something off-screen to help make a difference – come up to me and we’ll have a conversation about it. But guess what? Every time that I respond to one of your asinine comments, my name is right up there. At least I’m acknowledging who I am. Nice going there, “Yawn”. Anonymity is so much fun, amirite?

          “Need more ideas? Organize talks and events in our campus, start small, play a part instead of just complaining.” That’s funny, because when people (*cough* Gender Circle, PLPDG, and Insaaf *cough*) actually try to organise talks and events, other people cue up to complain about them. Refer to Insaaf’s poster campaign and the entire conversation about whether people should be subject to the content of those posters.

          “You do realize that rape culture persists everywhere else too right? Stop putting yourself atop a pedestal and broaden your perspective. Change needs to happen at a larger scale.” I absolutely agree. Rape culture is a global problem. Sexism is a global problem. Again, as I said above, I’m referring to the Indian context because that’s what I’m familiar with.

          “I must admit our conversation shed some light on your character too. Ready for the hard truth? You have a myopic view on things and you’d probably just complain about anything that isn’t going your way behind the safety of your computer screen instead of going out there and fight for it. You fail, and you fail hard.”

          Shedding light on my character, really? Yes, a conversation held over the anonymity of your keyboard has revealed all of my secrets to your enlightened mind. I probably do have a myopic view on things – I’ll be the first person to admit that I don’t know nearly enough about this topic. But guess what? Neither do you. We’re in the same boat, my friend. You’re complaining about anything that isn’t going your way behind the safety of your computer screen instead of going out there, too. If I’m the one who’s failing, I’m not the only one.

          Like

          • I’m going to try to limit my replies to each para w/ just 1 sentence if possible because
            if you’re going to be adamant about your myopic views, I can’t help it either. I’m also really tired of this back and forth when clearly you’re just skirting the topic by shoving the scarecrow on me.

            1st – Extreme example but works nonetheless: Were such reports available/permitted a decade or two earlier?

            2nd – Yes, because there’s an organization of rapist out there ready to pounce on innocent helpless girls like you.

            3rd – Learn to read, the examples referenced clearly stated the culprit were arrested and dealt with accordingly largely due to societal pressure.

            4th – Male relatives clearly taking the stand with the victim e.g. MARD (I live in India too, if you’ve missed that out)

            5th – I’m no biologists but I’m sure male hormones clearly outweigh females’ so try consulting a doctor on this one.

            6th – AND MY STAND IS IT MATTERS THAT IT’S FALSE, OTHERWISE YOU’RE BUILDING A CLAIM BASED ON A LIE. And it DOESN’T reflect what a single woman faces EVERYDAY, that’s an EXAGGERATION. (Sorry can’t help on this one)

            7th – Sharing her FALSIFIED story to bring about awareness? Yeah I got that but isn’t it tantamount to bearing false witness in the eyes of the court? Think on that.

            8th – If you read my comments and understood my stand, you’ll be inclined to believe that I share the same view on rapists actually except the lying part which you’re still stubbornly defending?

            9th – Because tkainaz is such an exclusive name that I can search online for?

            10th – Yeah, and Gandhi’s views were understood and praised overnight.

            11th – Again, I’m local.

            12th & 13th – You’re trying really hard to regurgitate facts here but you can’t hide the fact that you’re impatient for change and you admit to your short-sightedness. Need I go on?

            Like

            • You sure do think highly of yourself don’t you?

              You don’t know the writer nor do you know for fact that anything she wrote is false/exaggerated. These things happen everyday and its douche bags like you that delay progress.

              kindly fuck off.

              Liked by 1 person

              • “You sure do think highly of yourself don’t you?” – Where did you even infer that from?

                I’ve explained earlier why I thought the writer exaggerated. Can you explain how she didn’t? Your mum should have swallowed fuckwit.

                Like

                • I infer that from basically everything you wrote above.

                  and no I cannot explain how she didn’t but the fact that even you wrote “I thought the writer exaggerated” should make even you question why you’re defending your shitty 2 cents as fact.

                  Liked by 1 person

  23. I can relate to this so much, however, I’ve always kept it bottled in because I was too embarrassed, too afraid of what my family will think of me. I wish I would have spoken up years ago.

    Here is my story

    3 years old–picked up a magazine in my parents room, inside there were pictures of a naked women. I get a spanking for looking at it. I remember crying so hard.
    5 years old–Nap time, boy cousin placed my hand on his private part, I kept quiet
    5 years old–Bathroom, little girl had brought me into the stall and placed my hand in her panties
    7/8 years old–Classmate kissed me while we were waiting in line to go to the bathroom
    7 years old–Aunt put my head between her thighs and fondles me, when I told her I was going to tell, she threatens that she’ll tell first and make me look like the bad person. I was afraid, I never told my parents, this went on for 7 years, it became normal to me, I kept it to myself.
    15 years old– aunties pressured me and bought a hotel room for my then boyfriend and I to have sex. I felt horrible
    17 years old–Man groped my breasts when I was at a party, when I pushed him away and told him to stop, he did it again and grinned, bouncers kicked him out of the club but he waited right outside of the door, I cried because I felt helpless and disrespected
    When will this stop? We need to teach girls to speak up and parents should watch their kids closely and watch what you have in the house because. Lesson to me when I have a little boy or girl, watch out for the people close to your children too. Praying for all of the girls/women who had to endure this.

    -Ashamed

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  24. No normal person is trying to excuse pedophilia, I’d like you to try to prove that they are. Also, unless god himself is raping you, I don’t understand why you capitalized “He” in the first paragraph.
    What you didn’t tell: after you were sent to the principal you told them what happened and the kid got suspended. Rape culture?
    Why the hell would you want a perverted little girl to be your friend?
    AWWWW, your family loved you? You are so oppressed. (sarcasm)
    Yeah, the mechanic is going to hold you hostage if you don’t give him the ransom of a hug, RIGGGHHTTT.
    Your mom didn’t take shit from some douche, good for her; I don’t really understand how did one is supposed to demonstrate sexism.
    Again, nobody is pro-pedophilia. And the fact that your friends were appalled is simply proof that that kind of behaviour is not okay; contradicts the whole “rape culture” thing.
    This guy is a dick, and people like him tend to be society’s common enemy. Again, this behaviour is looked down upon.
    This friend of yours is saying that you should be more like your mom and stand up for yourself in those moments, and I completely agree.
    Facebook is protecting you from creeps? How dare it?! (sarcasm)
    People suck. Life sucks. You may be unique as a person, but you’re not special. You are not better than everyone else just because bad things happen to you and you fell “oppressed”. Woman up and stop blaming your misfortune on society.Everyone has problems, everyone deals with it. Deal with it.

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  25. You have got to remain faithful to yourself. Regardless of all of this, you can meet a gentleman. But you have to stay above this & move beyond all of this, don’t become what they want, believe in yourself as the true lady that you are.

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  26. Here we have a poem about how someone describes their feelings and their life, and then we have people arguing if the poem is factual or not. Is that really the point? Should a woman have to be afraid, and cautious just because she was born without a penis? Should a woman really have to defend her poem’s authenticity, becasue she chose to express her occurances in an annually timeline? If a man wrote this, would this thread be so ready and wiling to bash him for his art? Isn’t it convienent that only men are arguing how women bring rape upon themselves? I wore the clothes my mother bought for me, she didn’t buy me a burka. I didn’t have the option to cover my body head to toe, I am American. This buddy system for women is just saying, we cannot control the men, but you women are easier to control. If it is the woman’s fault for all the bad things that happen to her; where is the man’s responsibility? Does he have none just because he is a man? Well in this world, YES… unless we can prove a man did something to us, then the man is dismissed, and the woman was looking for attention. This is how it always been. Women are the problem with this world, and men are the angels. Women just want attention and men do no wrong!!!! And if you don’t believe me…watch for the first woman president, OH WAIT, it will never happen…

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  29. No one should doubt whether this story is true or not. It takes guts to speak of things that happened to be hurtful. Our society has failed, our eyes need to be opened and young men taught to respect women as they expect to be treated themselves. I have great respect for the young lady who told her story. I have many stories myself, gone untold because no one would ever believe. Growing up in the sixties and seventies in our great pacific northwest, times were much different.

    In Elementary school my nipples were pinched and twisted until they were hurt and raw, the boys would run up to you and say “titty twister” so I learned to run fast. The boys also had a game where they would come up to a girl flip up her dress and try to grab her panties to pull them down and run. I think they called this “Friday Flip-up Day” This was all allowed behavior in school and chalked up to boys will be boys. In high school I was chased down by 4 or 5 “schoolmates” in the woods who planned to rape me, I ran and fell when my feet hit sand. One of them approached me, took his penis out of his pants and held it up to my face and said “Suck It”, so I Bit it as hard as I could. He screamed and threw sand in my face and eyes, then they left. I had to see those boys at school almost everyday and remember what they did. When I was 14 I was kidnapped, raped and nearly killed by a Vietnam vet, He held me for almost three days, at gunpoint, was going to take me to Florida and was told I would never see my family again. I talked my way home, pleaded with him… and he let me go with a warning. If I told anyone he would kill my whole family. he was eventually caught and did a year or so in a psychiatric hospital. “Lack of evidence” is why he didn’t do any hard time. I was lucky to be alive after that..

    It is indescribable what I had to go through and how embarrassing it is when you tell your story to non-believers. In my twenties I was raped by a stranger who was left over from a party, he bashed my head onto the pavement until I passed out and when I woke up he was raping me, all I could do was scream. He was not raping me with his penis but with items from a pool table nearby, while I was out of it he pushed pool balls up my vagina…. he was one of those twisted sicko’s who cant get an erection so was turned on by hurting me.

    I was raped again by some guy from a bar, I went with some friends and this stranger tagged along, he slipped a drug into my drink and all I can remember are bits and pieces, I woke up with my legs and arms stretched wide, pants pulled to my ankles and strange cuts across my thighs, and hurting everywhere. I knew I had been raped, that feeling of violation never goes away. I never called the police or told anyone except my closest friend.

    I am not including all the other times I was pinched, boobies grabbed, cat calls, ect. What I am getting at is this is going to keep happening, to your daughters, sisters, mothers …. and yes it happens to boys too.
    This is only going to stop when people start believing we have a problem, when we all tell our stories. All my experiences led me to live a hermit lifestyle. I only go out to go to work and do some shopping, I have trust issues with people in general and know I have post traumatic stress disorder from the time I was kidnapped. I don’t want this to happen to other young women who have a whole life to enjoy and experience. When will it end?

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Reblogged this on My Crazy Ramblings and commented:
    I just couldn’t NOT reblog this. It speaks volumes. Sexism is alive and well. My phone call with a salesperson today:

    Him: “Perhaps I should speak with someone who has the authority to refuse my offer.”
    Me: “Hmmmm. That person would be me, sir, and I’m refusing your offer. Have a nice day.”

    Like

  31. I literally thought you were writing my story. It was comforting to see I wasn’t alone and broke my heart at the same moment knowing this is the truth for so many people these days-I say people since while this is the truth for being a female anymore there’s also a lesser spoken of truth in this for boys. The world has a very dark shadow on it that touches all of us at some point, some more then others-and it takes expressions like this to bring light to that darkness in hopes that at least one person no longer feels shamed or alone and that maybe one person can see this and stop something from happening in their lives. There is beauty and grace that can come from our pain and you have embodied that here. Thanks for having the courage to put it out there!

    Like

  32. An Awakened Man’s Apology To Women:

    • As a man, I feel sorrow that women and feminine energy have been suppressed for so many thousands of years on our planet. Everywhere we look, women have been disenfranchised. raped and abused you, burned you at the stake, bought and sold your bodies for sexual pleasure, barred you from religious and political office, relegated you to subservient chores, forced you to hide your faces and even cut off your organs of sexual pleasure.

    Although I may not have done these things personally, I am aware of the forces in the masculine psyche that are responsible for dishonoring the feminine. I take responsibility for those forces and choose no longer to be run by them. I do this on behalf of all men, in order to usher in a new era of co-creation.I commit to treat your heart as the sacred temple it is, and I commit to celebrating the feminine in my intimate relationships as well as in my relationship to all life.

    • As a man, I acknowledge that the religions of the past several thousand years have been mainly founded by and propagated by men. As men, we have often acted as if we have the last word on God and the spiritual life, when all we have really known is the masculine expression of those things. I honor your pathways of spiritual awakening. I commit to the celebration of feminine spirituality.

    • As a man, I honor your deep connection to the earth. As men, our relationship to our planet, its resources, its weather, its oceans and its forests has for too long been motivated by acquisition and dominion. I commit to listening to the intuitive sense you have of how to heal our planet and make it thrive.

    • As a man, I honor your intuition and your ability to feel. As men, we have often devalued feeling and intuition in favor of a view dominated by data and logic. I commit to respecting the arts of feeling, intuition and wisdom of the feminine heart, so that together we can integrate them into a balanced view of life.

    •As a man, I love the beauty of your body. I feel sorrow that we men have used your beauty as a form of commerce: in prostitution, pornography and the sale of products through advertising. I take a stand against any form of commercialization of woman’s beauty, and I respect that your body belongs to you.

    •I honor your capacity for peaceful resolution of conflicts. We men have waged endless wars over our disagreements; by contrast, it is rare to find an invasion or war instigated by a woman. We welcome your wisdom in creating a world that can get along.

    •I honor your capacity to listen to your body and its needs for food, rest and playtime. As men, our preoccupation with goals and results has often driven us into a burn out mentality. I know we have often drawn you into that as well. I welcome your reminders to maintain balance in our bodies.

    •I honor your sense of compassionate justice. In our justice system, men have dominated as judges and police, built prisons, and set punishment as a higher value than restitution. I welcome you to bring the return of the heart to our system of justice.

    •I honor your capacity to enjoy and pay attention to what is here, right now. As men, we often get overly focused on reaching the next milestone. We place so much emphasis on progress — what is new and better and faster — that we often forget to enjoy what we already have. I know that together we can co-create in bringing forth the wisdom of sufficiency.

    I know that in joining hands, and leaving the past behind we can create a synergy of our strengths. I know, and I know that you know, that then, there is nothing that we cannot do together.

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  33. To the author of this poem, I wanted to say I’m sorry these things have happened to you, and I’m so sorry there are people who are taking the time to accuse you of lying, exaggerating, or seeking attention.

    These things happen every day all the time to many women all over the world. THANK YOU for sharing your story, for bringing us one step closer to removing the stigma from victims who chose to come forward with their experiences, reclaim their voice, and change the narrative.

    Cheering for you & sending love

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  35. When I was 4, an older neighbor girl followed me into my garage and cornered me. Telling me she wanted me to pull down my pants. I said no, but then she pulled them down for me.

    When I was 5, her grandfather molested me as his wife looked on smiling and laughing. When I protested, kicking and screaming, I got slapped and called a brat by both.

    When I was 6, I had another neighbor who used to want to have “sword fights” in the bathroom, which later turned to touching. He told me not to tell anyone, or I would get in trouble.

    When I was 7, I broke down crying in the grocery store, consumed with guilt and shame over everything that happened. My mother asked me what was wrong, but fear set in and I couldn’t tell her.

    When I was 8, I asked a girl if I could kiss her. She said she would like that. I gave her a peck on the cheek. She asked me if I was gay. I kiss her on the lips out of fear. She smiled and the rumors started that I was gay.

    When I was 9, I was being called a faggot everyday. My teachers told me to ignore “those kids” and to “calm down” and “boys will be boys.”

    When I was 10, a 12 year old pushed me off my swing on recess and called me a faggot. I turned around and punched him in the face as hard as a 10 year old boy could. I was sent to the office, and told words don’t hurt. “Sticks and stones.” The older boy and his friends threatened me daily. Continued to call me names.

    When I was 11, I started getting into art a lot more. I drew a picture for the yearbook cover. It won. I was told I wasn’t good enough to be on the cover, because I was a faggot. And that “drawing was for girls and queers.” I cried that night, alone in my room. Feeling worthless.

    When i was 12, my best friend (a girl) invited me to a sleepover for her birthday. I was the only boy. Word spread at school and I was called gay, faggot, etc for not touching any of them in a sexual way.

    When I was 13, I moved to a new school. A fresh start. I started having a crush on a girl who sat next to me in English class. We used to pass notes. I would make little drawings to make her laugh. And write little 3 line poems. Another kid in class got ahold of one and read it to the whole class. I was again called a faggot for being artistic. My teacher snickered and told me to “get over it.”

    When I was 14, a girl kissed me. It was nice and I asked her out. Only to find out it was all a joke. She laughed, her friends laughed. I was told again I wasn’t ever going to have a girlfriend. And that I was a fag.

    When I was 15, I cried during free period. I sat at my table overwhelmed. A group of guys surrounded me and called me a faggot, a baby and a pussy. One of them started punching me in the neck. I pushed him away. Again I found myself in the principal’s office, being told to “be a man” and “not let words hurt me” and to “be more confident.” I got suspended.

    When I was 16, my good friend was being harassed. I stepped in and got two black eyes for defending her. I was told that “it wasn’t my place” and again suspended.

    When I was 17, I asked a girl to prom. We got dressed up, and had a good time. We hung out in her basement after, I kissed her and she put my hand on her breast. I looked at her to make sure that’s what she wanted and she smiled and said “don’t be afraid, its OK.” I kissed her more and we fooled around a bit. When she tried to take off my pants, I told her I wasn’t ready. She asked me why not. I told her I was OK with what we were doing up til that point, but didn’t want to go any farther. She got upset. And started yelling at me. Telling me the rumors must be true if I didn’t want to have sex with her. It spread through school like wildfire.

    When I was 18, I dropped out of high school to get away from all the drama and all the people and got my equivalency diploma instead and when to college almost a year earlier than I would have staying in school.

    When I was 19, I started dating a much older woman. She seemed to understand me. Understand my artistic side. And liked me as I was. About a month in, we were making out and she told me she wanted to have sex. I told her I wasn’t ready yet, but I really liked her and that I was open to the idea some day. She pressed me everyday,, until I finally gave in. I regretted it immediately. She left me right after. Later on I found out she did this a lot. She got off on seducing younger guys and then dropping them. I felt like shit. None of my friends understood and thought I was weird. Because “At least you got to fuck her.”

    When I was 20, I confessed to a friend all about the things that had happened to me when I was younger. The assault, my issues in school. All of it. I broke down for the first time in so long, having gotten used to bottling up my feelings by now, and I was told I was just “looking for attention.” I told a few others. No one cared. The most I got was “that sucks.”

    I am almost 30 now. I work in a predominantly female field and get told on a regular basis “that’s not a man’s job.” I have seen more than my fair share of messed up gender issues. I barely have a female friend who hasn’t been raped or sexually assaulted. And I hate that fact, but I understand that feeling.
    And it’s a shame that gender roles have so much to do with what is acceptable in society. Those actions are not excusable, regardless of gender. But as a man, I have seen the pressures to live up to this bullshit alpha male standard. I got to a place, where I do not care what most anyone thinks of me. I am a man. I am strong. I can cry. I can be vulnerable. That doesn’t make me any less masculine. I have dealt with my past. I have overcome a lot. But we as a society need to see the world differently.
    Men and women need to realize we are all humans. We all have feelings, desires, deserve love, want love, deserve respect. It’s not just women that get pressure from society to be a certain way, look a certain way, act a certain way, etc. Men deserve to feel safe too. Boys deserve to be taken seriously when they are being harassed. It goes both ways. Sadly. But over all, we need to remember we are all humans. And one’s gender does not excuse any actions or make certain things ok.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You are absolutely right, so-called gender roles have a lot to answer for.

      Like

    • You are strong. Thank you for sharing-the strength it takes to trust and be vulnerable is huge. You are on the right path. But you already know this. While it is important to find acceptance, love and a community, the bottom line is at the end of the day it’s you and only you. Not that we are alone, if you know what I mean and I think you do. When I was in my 30’s I was feeling very lost. I had already been through so much in my life, I was strong but I often resented that description because I couldn’t see it. But all of the life lessons we experience are for a reason and that reason will reveal itself to those who seek…in time. Some of your biggest challenges are up ahead and they will probably be a lot different than the ones you faced in your youth. Just allow the universe to give you what you ask for-allow being the key word here. Also know, just know that what you ask for you deserve. And it may not “look” like what you pictured. Be open-the answers you seek are coming.

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  36. For girls out there. I’m a 6’8″ male and realistically it would be very easy for me to do those things to girls out there. I don’t though. There is actually something you can do to help prevent these things. Buy some pepper spray. If you get some that is in a stream and hit the assaulter then you can literally walk away while they are in pain. It would even stop me.

    Like

    • See the problem with these clowns is that they have this thinking of “Fuck’all, I can do whatever I want, you can’t stop me and you can’t do anything to me”. Thus losing rationality and credibility their arguments by simply blaming men for their misfortunes.

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  37. I really like this one girl Abhilasha. She’s smart and independent but I’ll never be able to ask her out because I’m insecure about my looks. Even if i muster the courage to do so and she didn’t mind my looks, she’ll still probably turn me down because of the age gap since she’s a little older than me. Such is life.

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  38. When i was 4 i gave my first blowjob. he also said it was a game. I didnt figure out till years later what was actually going on and when i remembered it destroyed me and made me seriously depressed. Oh and btw, im a guy. yeah this shit happens to guys too.

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  39. When I was 4 years old, I had a cousin try to play doctor with me.
    This continued while I was 5 year old.
    When I was 6 years old that doctor game progressed.
    When I was 8 years old, that same cousin made fun of me about those sexual encounters with a group of his friends. It make me so sick that I threw up on my Dad’s wedding day, to have to see him.
    When I was 9 years old, I had a female baby sitter try and make out with me.
    The next time I stayed over, she tried to do more.
    When I was 10 years old, I had a younger cousin want to play the sort of doctor game with me.
    This game made me nervous as I was growing older, and I told him that he should play it with his babysitter, instead.
    That babysitter told my cousin’s Mom, and my family told me that I was no longer allowed to play with any of my cousins.
    I was never invited to my Dad’s lake house again after this.
    My Dad shamed me, and made me watch a show about mentally handicapped people putting condoms on bananas.
    I am deeply ashamed about my past sexual exploration with other kids, and want to make sure that my child, and other children know that they are in charge of their bodies, and how to tell someone to make it stop.
    There is more to this story, but those people can read this, that is for them to work out.
    Protect your children by educating them.
    I forgive those people who have hurt me, and I have personally reached out to everyone who I thought that I may have hurt.
    Forgiveness is the only way to heal.
    I am not ashamed of my past, because these are all things that I have healed.
    If you have been hurt, know that you can release these hurts by forgiving yourself, and those who have hurt you.

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  40. Thank you for opening up and having the courage to share your story, it truly is a tragedy that this happens in the world today. Its a greater shame that most people will ignore this is “someone else’s problem” or claim that its not their fault. Be the change you wish to see

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  41. I very rarely (if ever) go to a page and comment on a post that came across my page. But this post, this beautifully written post, I must comment on.

    I have survived a very similar beginning in life. I was 4 and have never forgotten a detail of the first molestation by a babysitter’s 19 year old son. It was the same as yours except I didn’t throw up. I had no idea what was happening nor that it should have never happened. Until I was older, that is. Add a heaping dose of shame in there because I was not aware I was abused I was molested with frightening regularity throughout my formative years. At 10, I was molested by my step-father for the first time — he was 28. He had been extremely abusive and my mother had tolerated it. No safe havens there. I was date-raped 3 times during my teen years. I was 18 -19ish and got the “IF you were raped, you obviously asked for it” response. I could never get ahead in a career in my 20’s because either I wasn’t taken seriously because I was too “sexy” or because I was demoted, transferred or fired for refusing to sleep with the boss. I could go on for days with instances of BEING FORCED against MY WILL and MY DESIRES with no perceived avenue of escape or justice. That was until my 40’s when, after many years of berating my self, many years of learning to “avoid” those situations, and many years of trying to “cover up” the fact that I am a woman, I had enough. I was sexually harassed on the job and successfully fought back.

    Not many can understand what it is like to lose one’s innocence at such a young age and how it is a life long effect no matter how hard you try to pretend it isn’t. So, dear author, I understand.

    By the way, I am American. It happens everywhere. It happens often.

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  42. When I was 5 or 6, I was playing in my Grandma’s garden with an older boy from the neighborhood. He asked me to show him my pussy. When I refused, he said he wouldn’t play with me anymore and that no one would ever want to marry me.
    When I was 7 or 8, I was socially awkward at school (I have Asperger’s) and would find places to hide at recess so no one would bother me. A few older boys once found me hiding behind the boiler and one of them said, “This is an ideal place for a rape”.
    When I was 15, my class went to Paris for a day. A stranger groped my ass. The place was crowded, I never even knew who did it, but I still remember how grossed out I felt.
    When I was 19, I moved to a big city to study. Catcalls were common, and if you ignored them the men would get aggressive: “Too good to talk to me, are you?” “You’re a racist!” (because some of those men were from North Africa, so in their eyes, not answering their catcalls was tantamount to racism somehow). A man harassed me in the street and followed me home. I was so scared that I didn’t get out of the house the next day and missed classes at uni. I was always very conservatively dressed in those days – long skirt, long-sleeved top.
    In my country, it’s socially mandatory to greet people with a kiss on the cheek, and you are deemed rude if you don’t comply. I don’t like having my face touched by people I don’t trust, but I don’t want to be rude. I worked in a shop and one male customer insisted on kissing me and hold my cheek while he was doing it. I hated it. Sometimes I’d go to the storeroom when I saw him walk in the shop so I wouldn’t have to deal with him. Another time, another customer pulled at the waistband of my jeans, and couldn’t understand why I was angry. “Don’t you like it?”, he asked.
    When I was 30, I started going out to dance with friends. One night, I was wearing jeans and a short-sleeved top. A man commented our outfits as we went past, “Too long”, he said about my friend’s skirt. “Skirt!!!”, he shouted at me, as if wearing trousers was somehow an offense to his eyes.
    I was in a club once and a man who I didn’t even know groped my ass. When I turned around and protested, he shrugged, “What do you expect? You’re in a night club”.
    When I was 31, I went to a house party with a friend. She was the only person I knew. Other people kept pouring me drinks and I ended up very drunk. I felt awful and went to hide in another room to cry. A guy came to find me and gave me some water, saying, “Sober up a bit, or this will be rape”. By then I was feeling so hazy, I felt like my mind was trapped in my body and couldn’t make it move. The boy started fondling me and another girl walked in on us. I begged her not to go because I didn’t want to do this. She didn’t go. She stayed and joined us. Turns out she and the boy were lovers and had been making me drink because they wanted to fulfil their threesome fantasy at my expense. I went home the next day feeling sick and hating myself.
    But yeah, I guess abuse never happens.

    Liked by 1 person

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  44. I hate that you went through these things, but I thank you for sharing. It saddens me that you are not alone. You’ve given voice to the voiceless. Thank you!

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  48. Even if this is all the fault of the predators (who are, to be honest, mostly men!)… or be it lousy parenting.. or even a f’ed up society… I’m still going to train my daughter in MMA from she’s 5 years old so that her chances of being targeted decreases and IF any predators do target her she’ll be able to take him (or her) out as if they were hit by a bus!

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  49. Deep deep bow to your courage dear sister, people need to hear this….and do something!
    Most stories go unheard, untold…..the stigma, the shame, it all still exists!

    Like

  50. This isn’t just a woman’s issue. This is a humankind issue. I am a male and I was molested when I was a child. I know plenty of other men who were as well. I also have been harassed when I was an adult male. It happens to both sexes. Not just women. Most men just won’t talk about it publicly because there is a societal stigma that all men are just horn dogs and want it wherever they can get it, and that they are somehow less of a man if they come out and talk about it. Not true.

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  51. “The stories of women carry much more weight then some political identity or world view” (posted by Anonymous, on September 25, 2015, at 1:04 PM). This is an important point! This anonymous poem has sparked quite a lively discussion–or at least a lengthy list of responses–one indicator that it is an excellent and worthy work, both in its well-crafted presentation and its bold and honest content. It is certainly reflective of some very negative experiences, and one would expect it to incite some negative responses in people already primed to respond that way. I am encouraged by the positive, supportive, and hopeful responses and, I’ll admit, a bit discouraged by some of the negative, especially any–often just one–individual who voted “thumbs-down” for the encouraging and supportive comments. (I can’t help but wonder: Why would anyone do that?) But then I came across the comment I quoted above, and I was satisfied. To me, at least, that is what is most important about this work of writing. It is one very personal, very powerful testimony of one woman’s harsh experiences at the hands of seemingly heartless men and the seemingly thoughtless, almost pitiless responses to her very natural reactions to what she had gone through. To me, the fact that it is submitted anonymously makes it more universal, but no less personal. It has such a direct, viscerally emotional tone. I applaud the author for starting this obviously controversial dialogue and encouraging others who can relate to share their stories. I do believe that’s the all-important first step to overcoming the greater problem. And I applaud all who offered their own phrases of support and, especially, of optimism and hope–which, while not a cure, is also a much-needed ingredient in overcoming the problem. To the remaining comments, I wish to say little except, “The truth will out.” Indeed, with this bold author’s offering, it already has. As a result, its discussion is bound to continue.

    Wishing you all the comforting, inner warmth of self-honesty and an outward radiance reflecting your brilliant, penetrating rays of insight. Keep writing, keep listening, keep looking out and ahead.

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  52. Oh my goodness, my heart dropped a little. No one should go through this. Especially girls. Being a girl and having an opinion is normal, not something to be hushed away.

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  53. What about all the young boys going through the same thing? I won’t deny sexism’s existence. I will deny the fact that nobody’s looking at the bigger picture here.

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  54. It makes me sad to know I have felt a simular pain. I was molested by my father and abused by him for 7 years but when it came out and and he admitted to it …I was wrong.I was a liar. I was did owned by my family. Blood isn’t always thicker than water.

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    • Mmmnnn… not my experience. Men have always, since I was 10 years old, tried to get my attention. I am not blonde and now I am 44 and 30 lbs over weight but they keep coming on to me. 3 years ago, before I had my son and gained the weight, men came on to me as much as they did when I was in my 20’s. Even at 30 lbs over weight, when I’m in a bathing suit at the beach in the summer men practically throw themselves at me, yes, even the young ones. My husband kind of likes it. I personally am not so thrilled but i am very strong, mentally and physically, and have no problem airing my displeasure in a man’s unwanted advances. Loudly. No mincing words.

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  55. Pingback: Untitled poem, by Anonymous | eyeoninterpersonalviolence

  56. Pingback: | Glasnost on WordPress.com | Institute on Ecosystems Summer Climatological Research Experience

  57. Sexism is not just against women but men too. I am a women and I believe in gender equality for all. Men who get sexually assaulted go through tougher shit than women who do because it’s seen as impossible. The bullshit of you asked for it is either crazy increased or they are looked at as not even a man at all. Just a sad little pathetic thing. So we should acknowledge the shit on both sides and work to correct it not to say well we have it bad too so you can’t complain. Which is something both sides do.

    Liked by 1 person

  58. A person sick enough to do this to a little girl is sick enough to do this to a little boy. It’s even more sad you try and blame sexism. I am a man and I could go on about all the horrible things that happened to me when I was younger, but men are brought up to be tough and not cry about those things, so you don’t hear about it as much. If anything, it has made me more compassionate and empathetic. I am still here, alive and healthy, and am a better person because of my experiences.

    It’s really sad when I see women who were abused trying to push sexism agenda’s like this doesn’t happen to boys at all. This didn’t happen because you are female, please get this through your head.

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  59. Pingback: | Glasnost on WordPress.com | lbushman

  60. This made me cry. As a man, I hate men because of this. I detest my own sexuality. I’m a pretty attractive guy and yet I have been single for about 5 years because I hate my own gender. I hate the way women are treated as objects and how many of them have become accustomed to it, and now they seek it. The asshole always gets the girl and nice guys finish last. I have met so many girls who have been sexually abused that I never want to date again because it’s all I can think of. I hate my gender and I can see why women hate men. We suck.

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  61. I believe that there is a place for poems like this, there is a place for the telling of hard truths, I hope that this telling reaches the eyes and ears of the people who most need to be confronted with the hard realities put forth in the poem. People like my mother, who dismissed me when I tried to tell her what happened to me. At first I thought to myself, “Oh, that wasn’t good that you read that, now you are triggered and things are going to be rough for awhile.” But when I read the first stanza with that first line, how she wrote about it being too big (my exact words), and throwing up (I was gagging, I wanted to throw up), and being told that she would do better next time ( I was praised afterwards), there was this moment of deep resonance. She was confirming my experience, speaking to what it was like to be that little and even that idea that I was expected to learn this as if it was some essential component of being female. Because her words confirmed my experience of it, there was this moment where I let go of trying to deny what happened to me, 100% ejected that little voice that says to me some days, “maybe you are crazy, maybe that didn’t happen,” because that would be easier than really choosing to know all of it, to feel all of the sorrow of it.

    What a sorrowful poem, how it ends. It makes me want to respond with hope to the idea that these things can happen; that bad people might be able to do things to our bodies that have lifelong effects on our minds. I guess what I want to say is: they can not take our essential selves, our hope, or that little spark that makes each of us so unique and beautiful. Even though it is terrifying and it would be easier to isolate to protect ourselves, I think about those of us that have experienced these horrors, and still choose to continue to hope and love and strive to be trusting. I myself choose to keep moving forward. When I feel so heavy from the weight of knowing, when it gets hard to breathe—like it did when I was raped—that is when I say to myself, “just do something to move forward.” Every day I choose to move forward. This weekend I moved forward. It was small, just going ahead and meeting friends at the brewery, meeting the eyes of men, believing that amongst these men are some that despite my early lessons, are kind, are loving, are gentle.

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  62. I know how it feels to be raped and no one believe you. Molested at 7 lasted a year. Then raped 5 days before my 19th birthday. It’s approaching that day again and I can already feel fear coming. It has been almost a year and the man is still out there.

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  63. Regardless of how much of this is true (considering the sheer amount of abuse this person has supposedly been through rather than anything else) the point to this is pretty clear. I’d add just for the record, for all the guys commenting how its just as bad for us or whatever to check their own facebook “other” messages section, and note the lack of creepy messages. No, the poster is not targeting all men. She’s talking about how these things happen, and how we (including me- I don’t want to be called a white knight here) pretend its not as bad as it is. Forget the angst that surrounds terms like feminism and misandry. Just knowing that these things happen is enough for you to see the issue here.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for making that comment Connor. It saddens me when people detract from the core of articles and peoples personal posts and make it either about them and their pain or twist it into something the post isn’t about and run on with ignorant peoples twisting of things..i.e feminism, generalizations.

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  64. The best thing we can do with Ignorance and judgemental comments is to ignore them. They don’t deserve the energy and wont change because of replies on the internet but real life experiences. I hope that if you are the person who wrote this reading this comment that you are on your way to healing. You are loved.

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  65. Pingback: Untitled. | get up & walk, ride or fly blog

  66. Just gonna say, not all men are like this nor should an innocent man be deemed guilty for another mans actions. You can think of any evil on earth and it will exist in any tense of time (past, present, future). It sucks that it happens but it happens. Culture shapes us, Tradition shapes us and noone can be trusted amongst the masses, you can only learn to trust yourself for both friends and family can also betray. The ending of the poem had me confused though. The persoon was pretty much trying to say “have everything in moderation and acknowledge that not everyone is innocent, do what you need to protect yourself but dont go overboard.”

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  67. Pingback: women's stories: An Untitled Poem, by Anonymous Young Woman (feimineach)

  68. just letting you know… females in high paying/highly educated professions are same/worse. They know their boundaries pretty well and they play really really well. Do I trust in female teachers? Nope. Do I trust in female doctors? Nope. Do I trust in female relatives? Nope. Would I help out the troubled woman with drunk person? How do I know if it’s not a trap? The way I feel toward these people would be pretty similar feeling with what OP has.

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    • Not all men.. Just pieces of trash that treat women like objects to be had. AND it just doesn’t happen to women, it happens to guys too. And when did it become okay to blatantly accept this kind of behavior? You say, “The society of victims continues to be reinforced.” So, if something horrid like this happened to you, you’d be okay with it? YOU wouldn’t be the victim? Please, enlighten yourself before you type some ignorant CRAP.

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  69. I am a 27 year old woman. When I was in my early twenties I went on a college trip to a foreign country. We arrived on new years eve, so in the spirit of getting to know the group of students on the trip and to celebrate the new year we all drank heavily! It was fun, of course, and we all got along famously. Most everybody was housed in rooms with bunk beds at the hotel, but one guy, who was paying a little too much unwanted attention to me all night kept making a point of declaring that he had his own room. Toward the end of the evening, as everybody was starting to head to their rooms he insisted over and over again that I help him to his room because he was too drunk. After several pleas for my assistance I caved and told him I would walk him to his room. Once at his room, he wouldn’t let me leave until I “just lied down for a minute” on his “own bed.” As soon as I hit the bed, the alcohol went to my head and I blacked out completely. I remember nothing aside from waking up next to him. The group of girls in the next room filled me in on the rest the following morning. Apparently we were loud.

    A about a year later, my step brother, who is about 20 years my senior, came to visit me along with one of his friends. It was fall. We had a big fire going outside and we were drinking and carrying on well into the evening. All three of us, exhausted and inebriated, decided it was bed time. My step brother went in first and his friend and I talked for a few more minutes. I was 23. This was a 47 year old man with a serious girlfriend and 3 children. I had no interest in him and nothing that happened during the evening would have indicated that I did. I went inside to my bedroom and he stayed outside on the phone for a while. I woke up, with a start, to him lurking in the doorway to my room. I had been asleep for a while, lights all off, door barely cracked just so the cat could still go from room to room. He mentioned that my door was cracked as he walked over to my bed. I said, yea, I was sleeping. He lied down on top of the covers next to me. Whatever. I’m still just trying to sleep. A while later he slung his leg over mine. Then later his arm. A little later he got into the covers. Then he reached into my pants and things escalated from there.

    Here’s the kicker. I’m actually a 27 year old man. Switch the roles in those two stories but leave the rest verbatim and you’ll have what really happened. I wrote it from my perspective at first, and it just didn’t seem *wrong* enough. I swapped the pronouns and all of the sudden the “men” in the stories seem like disgusting predators. In reality, they are both pretty regular girls, just trying to get theirs. In fact, the girl in the first story has pretty bad PTSD and other issues as a result of sexual assault and rape when she was younger. Somehow, however, it’s ok for her to rape a man.

    Both encounters meet the definition of rape or sexual result, and had the perpetrator been male his entire life would be over. I obviously never pressed charges, because who the fuck cares, I got laid (once that I remember!). Had I WANTED to press charges, however, there’s a greater chance that I would be the one behind bars at the end of the day rather than either woman.

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    • I agree with you. Sexual violence is everywhere and affects everyone. With disgust I write this:(( It is ingrained in our societies-it’s about power and disease. Sorry this happened to you-it’s really harsh. As a very attractive women(as a youth I hated this fact-was horrified by the sensuality that surrounded my being, and frankly was often dressing in burlap sacks, or the equivalent, to try an dissuade male or any attention) I have been sexually harassed by men and women alike. One time I was hugging my boyfriend in a gay bar and felt someone grab my ass-so deeply that their fingers were basically grabbing my vagina. And it was a woman. i have been hounded, called every dirty name in the book for not wanting to dance with some strange guy, stalked, screamed at because I was a “snooty bitch”, had lies told about my sexual encounters by guys I wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole, etc.. It was difficult through my youth, 20’s, 30’s and now that I’m in my 40’s and have a small child with me, a head of grey hair I refuse to dye, you’d think it would stop. Nope. Even with child in arms I get comments, looks, propositions… and that’s with 30lbs baby weight on my body. People got problems man. Power to you man, power to you- for sharing a different but equally valid and I’m sure widespread experience.

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  70. lol this is such shit.
    no one tells women to accept or put up with it.
    the only time this happens, is when femnists complain about it. In reality, no one ever just says oh yea you were asking for it. Nor do people accept sexual harassment in public.
    Yea a guy starts masturbating at a girl and everyone just tells the girl to relax lol ok.
    Fucking dumb cunts, making shit up to bitch about.

    Like

    • I can see why you’re posting this anonymously. Funny how the most ignorant and spiteful commenters rarely have the courage to own their words in real life. I won’t bother attempting to answer these ridiculous thoughts directly, just apologise to the world on your behalf for your mansplaining.

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  71. Pingback: Story of a young woman · HerSlate

  72. My four year old daughter had a boy at nursery show her his penis and stick his hand down her underwear. I told her that next time she should punch him in the face until he stops. Don’t give me shit about him only being a kid, my daughter knew what he did was wrong, and so did he. This kind of behaviour is not acceptable, starts earlier than anyone realises, and needs to be stamped out.

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  73. Pingback: Rape Survival | A Thomas Point of View

  74. Pingback: All the Women are White, All the Blacks are Men: Part II - It's On Magazine

  75. Pingback: Powerful Piece on Glasnost | Survivor Scrapbook

  76. I feel so identified with this. I can even write a poem like this every f***** year is something. I have to translate it to my native language and share it with all my friends!

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  77. Your poem pulled something out deep within me and has left me haunted by the utmost truth of the reality that this is allowed to happen to women. But it just doesn’t stop with women, it happens to boys too. It literally breaks my heart that this still happens in todays society. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here friend.

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  78. How does one bear the unbearable? I am a dreamwork practitioner and so often in dreams we are shown trauma such as this underlying the reasons it can be so hard to ever feel whole…and our dreams can help us find our way back. In dreams we work with images and feelings and the accompanying painting is stunningly painful both as an image and in the feeling it carries. Is there information on the artist and perhaps other examples of their work. Thank you voicing what needs to be voiced.

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  79. Pingback: Thoughts On “Non-binary”, Gender Identity Politics and the Material Reality of Being Female in Patriarchy | Big Mouth Girl

  80. Pingback: Entry 6 – Sexism Poem | LEXI'S WORLD OF HOOKUP CULTURE

  81. You know, after watching what my mother went through in dad’s hands over the years, I’ve resorted to believing that women are the most powerful beings on the planet. Perhaps many of us men know that and that’s why we try to belittle them. I can’t even begin to count the stories I have heard from my female friends of how they were harassed in one way or another by both male friends and strangers.

    Sometime early this year, we had a case here in Nairobi where a mob stripped a woman, insinuating that she had dressed skimpily. To imagine that in the 21st century, there is a man who thinks they have power over a woman’s body, really, made me come to the realization that we are yet to achieve civilization worldwide. There is a long way to go. Women go through a lot. It is impossible they still mother us with so much love. I don’t know how that works.

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  82. Pingback: “When I Was 6-Years-Old, I Gave My First Blowjob.” | Times of Education

  83. Pingback: When I was six years old, I gave my first bl*w j*b. “It’s A Game, Don’t You Want To Play?,” He Said | Times of Education

  84. Pingback: À l’âge de six ans, j’ai fait ma première fellation. Il m’a demandé « C’est un jeu, tu n’aimes pas les jeux ? » – Lookdakar

  85. Pingback: It shouldn’t be this hard to be a girl | meanderings

  86. Pingback: Stop The World, I Wanna Get Off With You | SAY KOREAN FANFICTION

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