Of Bhangra, Bhatura, and (un)Burnt Calories

Monday, 7:00 A.M: I am ready to hit the gym! New semester, new me.  Starting today, I shall exercise every day and eat only nutritious food. Hello to the first day of my happy and healthy life!

Monday, 4:30 P.M: Cereal for breakfast, roti-sabzi for lunch. I’ve been eating right all day. So maybe I can have a tiny snack with tea? The samosa they serve at the cafeteria is tiny, isn’t it? No! I shall snack on fruits. Only. Remember what they used to say back in school? An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An apple a day….

Monday, 18:45 P.M: Do I really have to exercise twice a day? There’s only so much I can do, and it’s only the first day. Maybe I should take it a little easy? Or maybe not. I am a disciplined and hard working woman who’s committed to the cause of her health. Treadmill, here I come!

Tuesday, 8:10 A.M: Uh, oh! I pressed the snooze button a couple of more times than I meant to. Never mind. I’ll log in twice the number of hours at the gym later in the evening!

Tuesday, 11:30 A.M: I must have a samosa. Tea break equals samosa. It also equals a million calories. But a chocolate smoothie doesn’t. It’s milk. It’s healthy. All hail Protein!

Tuesday, 17:30 P.M: The gym is my temple. I can’t believe I skipped working out in the morning. This is so much fun! They’re right when they talk about all those mood-lifting hormones that are secreted due to exercise. In fact, I think I’m going to sign up for the dance classes that just started. More exercise, more happy hormones!

Wednesday, 9:00 A.M: Ow! Ow! Ow! I’ve always known that the human body has approximately 640 muscles, but feeling every single one of them burn with each step I take is a different matter altogether. Turns out the shoulder-jerking-index-finger-pointing-in-the-air-while-bouncing-on-one-foot dance that I’ve been doing all my life at weddings and parties is not really Bhangra!

Wednesday, 13:45 P.M: To bhatura or not to bhatura? What harm could one measly bhatura do? It actually makes me happy. Just like the happiness I feel after working out. Happy hormones for the win!

Wednesday, 19:05 P.M: One, two, Hoye! Hoye! Three, four, Hoye! Hoye! Faaii.. Sii.. Ho..Ho.. Sev.. Eigh.. Huff… Huff… Niinee…Can’t… Ten…… Hoooo..

Wednesday, 20:30: I am going to eat that gulab jamun. After all that gymming and dancing, I absolutely deserve one. In fact, I deserve two!

Thursday, 7:10 A.M: Just. five. more. minutes.

Thursday, 8:15 A.M: Oops!

Thursday, 14:00 P.M: There’s no way I can eat in the mess. I haven’t eaten a Thursday lunch in the mess in three semesters. It’s a record that I’m proud of. But ordering food in from someplace else means ordering in calories. And it is so hard to get rid of those. Twenty minutes on the treadmill burns only 100 calories. But then even breathing burns calories. And I breathe all the time. And the food that I’m about to order? Believe it or not, even digesting that very food burns calories. So I’ll actually be burning calories while consuming them!

Thursday, 19:36 P.M: Turns out Punjabi genes don’t make Bhangra instinctive. Affinity for sweet and oily food is all that they make instinctive.

Friday, 9:30 A.M: I refuse to feel apologetic about not working out in the morning. I was staying up late to finish all my readings for the next day (besides, the other season of The Big Bang Theory). Education versus exercise? That’s not a tough one!

Friday, 14:05 P.M: Who’s following this regimen to lose weight and get into shape anyway? I am doing this to keep myself active and strong. And exercise is doing that. So there’s no reason for me to cut back on food at all. And I am still eating nutritious food. Carbohydrates and fat are nutrients alright!

Friday, 18:50: One, two, Hoye! Hoye! Dragging a friend to dance class doesn’t make it any less painful. But there is some sadistic pleasure in seeing another suffer with you! Three, four, Hoye! Hoye! Five, Six, OUCH!

Saturday, 10:30 A.M: It’s the weekend. I can wake up later. I have all the day to exercise.

Sunday, 9:40 A.M: It’s called a holiday for a reason.

Monday, 7: 00 A.M: snooze

Monday, 7:20 A.M: Never mind….


Disclaimer #1: The writer in no way intends to undermine the efforts of all those who work out regularly and watch what they eat. You da real MVP!

Disclaimer #2:  Neither does she suffer from any body image or motivation issues. She’s just a disciplined and hard working woman who’s committed to the cause of her health. At least she’s been one for the past couple of weeks (and fully intends to continue being one!).

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