A Dump To Remember

by Ishaan Mishra

 

So college started a little more than a week ago, and on the very first day I noticed, in not a very pleasant way, if I might add, that the flush of one of the cubicles wasn’t working. This unpleasant surprise was shared by someone else as well, who was so moved by the sight of un-flushed poop that he consequently ended up writing this on the inside of the door of the said cubicle:

[the author doesn’t feel comfortable sharing the details anymore as the message has a particularly violent language concerning body parts being fed to dogs]

Graffiti and messages on the walls of toilet stalls are not uncommon around the world – one of the cubicles on the first floor of the boys hostel has “Bhagwan sab dekh raha hai” [God is looking at everything] written on it.  But this particularly aggressive message was motivated by an experience which might have somewhat justified the message, although not the aggression. I myself reacted to the said experience by making a video regarding the same. You can check it out here. But the experience has also prompted me to write on one of the most cherished topics of my everyday conversation – potty. Now, the people who know me will realise that this is not a joke. There will be some who will get disgusted or uncomfortable, but that’s just sad for them because I personally don’t get the reason why we shy away from the topic – everyone does it, everyone will do it. You may not eat for a day, or not watch TV, or not study, BUT YOU INVARIABLY POOP. Society’s discomfort with talking about taking a dump has made me face a lot of problems throughout my life.

I haven’t been a particularly unpredictable pooper. Till at least 7th grade, my pooping practices were envied by the people in my family (and whoever else came to know about them). I went in and out of the toilet, right on time, every day, without any problems or effort whatsoever and did my business in under 5 minutes. Then, a few changes here and there, and frequently moving through various cities in India took a toll on my reputed digestive system, and one thing led to another – I am the most varied pooper in my friend circle. Just to show off a bit, my best-known pooping points include Luxury Hotel Lobby (without being a guest there) and well known schools of my home town (yes – schools – plural).

I have noticed a general trend in my life – the change in attitude towards pooping by my peers. In the Nursery school (Nursery to KG-2 (UKG for the new generation)), my peers were open about pooping and most of them ended up pooping in school (in the toilets of course. We may have been children, but we weren’t complete heathens). I don’t remember pooping during that phase, but beyond that, from class 1 to class 10 the attitude changes – pooping outside the confines of your toilet and even talking about it becomes taboo. So what does one do when he has to poop in school? Well, you hold it in. I didn’t have to face this agony till 7th grade, but beyond that there were several horrendous days on which I had to hold my poop for hours or even the whole day (around 7 hours). Oh the agony; I shiver when I think of those times. Then again, people are chill enough to mind their own business in 11th grade.

They go from “OOOHHHH you pooped? YOU POOPED? HE POOPED HE POOPED!!!” to “You pooped? Washed your hand? Cools.” Now, not to misguide you all, I rarely poop outside my biological cycle – most of my poops are limited to the morning ones. But my stomach (the intestines to be exact) have a peculiar tendency – they fail me right when I need them. So no one notices the months that go by without me pooping at odd times, but as soon as we have to go out, my intestines fail and everyone’s like “Here’s the party pooper” (while we are at that – is a party pooper someone who poops at a party and doesn’t have fun or is it someone who makes the party as disgusting as poop?)

So there’s that.

Pooping at the NLUD Boys’ hostel has been a particularly pleasant experience. I think you connect to places or things. And I think the pooping part of me connects to our hostel. I have had the most awesome poops here in the hostel and I hope to keep having them. Before I end this, I would like to leave a list of Do’s and Don’ts for you:

  • Learn to use the toilet seat.
  • JUST PLEASE. FLUSH.
  • Don’t soil the seat. Like the western toilets aren’t supposed to be used the Indian Way.
  • Keep it clean. How hard is it? The staff cleans it almost every day. DO your part.
  • FLUSH PLEASE.
  • STOP JUDGING PEOPLE ON THE NUMBER OF POOPS PER DAY AND THE PLACE THEY DECIDE TO GO. JUST STOP. There is a reason there are toilets in the ACAD BLOCK, LIBRARY, etc. Explore new areas, new avenues. Come early to class and try the cleanest toilets on campus – the acad block ones (I shit you not [pun intended]).

Be the pooper you want everyone to be, be the pooper the world deserves.

By,

Ishaan Mishra

P.S. I might have written this article while needing to poop. Whoops.

 

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