by an anonymous student.
Here is a satellite image of our campus. The black border is the physical barriers where students are not allowed. I have divided the campus into Red, Yellow, Green and Purple zones depending on the increasing order of privacy you may get, and are socially allowed to enjoy in the campus:
I take it as my moral responsibility to share my findings of the past several years regarding the couple friendliness of our campus with all of you.
Couple Friendliness: 0-2/10 None. Like, no. You have more chances of successfully surviving an apocalypse while being drunk and having a banana as your sole weapon than expecting acceptance of any sort of explicit affection between couples here (which includes hand holding).
Possible adversaries: CCTV, Guards, VC, Faculty, Fellow Students
Luck By Chance: Possible, if Jupiter is aligned with Venus and you are a Capricorn.
If you are a same-sex couple, then the hostels marked Red become purple. How is this level of physical intimacy (right up to coitus) allowed, you ask? Well that’s because we like to deny the existence of gay people here.
Couple Friendliness: 3-6/10 The acceptance of explicit display of affection between couples (which is limited to hugging, hand holding and the like) are that of an average Indian town that is outside the physical border of Haryana, UP, West Bengal, Jharkhand, Bihar, Punjab, Himachal, Uttarakhand, Rajasthan, Madhya Pradesh, Goa, Tamil Nadu, Telangana, Andhra Pradesh, Kerala, Karnataka, Orissa, Chattisgarh, Sikkim, Mizoram, Manipur, Assam, Arunachal Pradesh, Nagaland, Tripura, Meghalaya, Gujarat, Jammu and Kashmir, Maharashtra, and Union Territory.
Possible adversaries: Guards, VC, Faculty, Fellow Students
Luck By Chance: Possible after 9 P.M., and after sunset on weekends. This then turns into a Green Zone.
Couple Friendliness: 7-8/10 Be alert enough and you can go beyond hugging, hand holding and the like. Maximum duration of uninterrupted privacy varies from 5 seconds to 15 min, but average isolation is limited to 2 min 26 seconds.
Possible adversaries: Mostly Fellow Students.
Luck By Chance: Long levels of isolation can be expected and predicted depending on the time, date, and college events. No escalation to Purple Zone Possible.
CAUTION: Expect judgemental looks even between non-couples consisting of contrasting genders, and keep your ears pricked at all times.If you have the hearing of a falcon, then you’re blessed.
Purple Zones: 8-10/10
These places are not marked on the map, and are few and far in between. They’re best left to imagination. Or are rather imaginary. And best kept away from a certain sovereign’s imagination.
NO PROBABLE ADVERSARIES
Caution: No excuses can be potent enough to get you out of trouble if caught in any of the purple zones. Large scale stigma, judgemental looks and biases can reasonably be expected if caught in the purple zones.
That being said, this topic is really close to my heart (pun intended), primarily because I’ve been facing the repercussions – day in and day out – for the past several years. To begin with, let me just point out that our campus is not at all friendly towards couples. Apart from the obvious lack of physical space for couples to have a reasonable level of privacy, we also don’t have any kind of unspoken rule that mandates that we not make couples feel awkward. We kept our library, with several crores worth of equipment, locked after 9 PM because we feared that two eighteen year olds might make out! For the love of God – SO WHAT? To the thousands of people who attempt competitive exams every year, their only option at a decent love life is in college. In a country like India, it is very common for school children to have their hopes pinned on the freedom entailed by college life to have a relationship (if this generalisation is too general, consider this comic relief). I myself am one of them, and multiple people in my batch are, too. But our college shatters those hopes like the library doors in summer.
What is wrong with two people who like each other’s company hanging out? PDA, you say? Tell me, what’s so wrong about PDA? Can you not cherish the fact that two people have affection towards each other and choose to express this in any place convenient to them? Obscenity, you say? Please tell me how anything that’s classified as PDA (in my experience, mostly kissing) is obscene? Please tell me why (in the comments) every place cannot be a green zone.
If you have knowledge of any Green Zones which are not already marked, please do tell. I NEED IT. PLEASE.