Couple (Un)Friendliness of Our Campus – and How to Deal with it

by an anonymous student.

 

Here is a satellite image of our campus. The black border is the physical barriers where students are not allowed. I have divided the campus into Red, Yellow, Green and Purple zones depending on the increasing order of privacy you may get, and are socially allowed to enjoy in the campus:

cp2

I take it as my moral responsibility to share my findings of the past several years regarding the couple friendliness of our campus with all of you.

 

Red Zone:

Couple Friendliness: 0-2/10 None. Like, no. You have more chances of successfully surviving an apocalypse while being drunk and having a banana as your sole weapon than expecting acceptance of any sort of explicit affection between couples here (which includes hand holding).

Possible adversaries: CCTV, Guards, VC, Faculty, Fellow Students

Luck By Chance: Possible, if Jupiter is aligned with Venus and you are a Capricorn.
If you are a same-sex couple, then the hostels marked Red become purple. How is this level of physical intimacy (right up to coitus) allowed, you ask? Well that’s because we like to deny the existence of gay people here.

 

Yellow Zone:

Couple Friendliness: 3-6/10 The acceptance of explicit display of affection between couples (which is limited to hugging, hand holding and the like) are that of an average Indian town that is outside the physical border of Haryana, UP, West Bengal, Jharkhand, Bihar, Punjab, Himachal, Uttarakhand, Rajasthan, Madhya Pradesh, Goa, Tamil Nadu, Telangana, Andhra Pradesh, Kerala, Karnataka, Orissa, Chattisgarh, Sikkim, Mizoram, Manipur, Assam, Arunachal Pradesh, Nagaland, Tripura, Meghalaya, Gujarat, Jammu and Kashmir, Maharashtra, and Union Territory.

Possible adversaries: Guards, VC, Faculty, Fellow Students

Luck By Chance: Possible after 9 P.M., and after sunset on weekends. This then turns into a Green Zone.

 

Green Zones

Couple Friendliness: 7-8/10 Be alert enough and you can go beyond hugging, hand holding and the like. Maximum duration of uninterrupted privacy varies from 5 seconds to 15 min, but average isolation is limited to 2 min 26 seconds.

Possible adversaries: Mostly Fellow Students.

Luck By Chance: Long levels of isolation can be expected and predicted depending on the time, date, and college events. No escalation to Purple Zone Possible.

CAUTION: Expect judgemental looks even between non-couples consisting of contrasting genders, and keep your ears pricked at all times.If you have the hearing of a falcon, then you’re blessed.

 

Purple Zones: 8-10/10

These places are not marked on the map, and are few and far in between. They’re best left to imagination. Or are rather imaginary. And best kept away from a certain sovereign’s imagination.

NO PROBABLE ADVERSARIES

Caution: No excuses can be potent enough to get you out of trouble if caught in any of the purple zones. Large scale stigma, judgemental looks and biases can reasonably be expected if caught in the purple zones.

 

That being said, this topic is really close to my heart (pun intended), primarily because I’ve been facing the repercussions – day in and day out – for the past several years. To begin with, let me just point out that our campus is not at all friendly towards couples. Apart from the obvious lack of physical space for couples to have a reasonable level of privacy, we also don’t have any kind of unspoken rule that mandates that we not make couples feel awkward. We kept our library, with several crores worth of equipment, locked after 9 PM because we feared that two eighteen year olds might make out! For the love of God – SO WHAT? To the thousands of people who attempt competitive exams every year, their only option at a decent love life is in college. In a country like India, it is very common for school children to have their hopes pinned on the freedom entailed by college life to have a relationship (if this generalisation is too general, consider this comic relief). I myself am one of them, and multiple people in my batch are, too. But our college shatters those hopes like the library doors in summer.

What is wrong with two people who like each other’s company hanging out? PDA, you say? Tell me, what’s so wrong about PDA? Can you not cherish the fact that two people have affection towards each other and choose to express this in any place convenient to them? Obscenity, you say? Please tell me how anything that’s classified as PDA (in my experience, mostly kissing) is obscene? Please tell me why (in the comments) every place cannot be a green zone.

If you have knowledge of any Green Zones which are not already marked, please do tell. I NEED IT. PLEASE.

 

 

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7 thoughts on “Couple (Un)Friendliness of Our Campus – and How to Deal with it

  1. WHY IS THE TEXT IN THIS ARTICLE NOT JUSTIFIED?!! IT HURTS MY EYES!!!!! the author- you sure look like a first year. law school hasn’t really gotten to you.

    Every place is a potential green zone. Where there is a will, there is a way! Happy loving.

    Like

  2. Hey there, I feel your pain and discomfort, I have been there, in the same campus. I really can’t change the way people perceive PDA in NLU Delhi (really wish i could) but let me tell you that you can literally paint the University campus in the color of love. It is hard to get private moments on campus but there is so much you can do. My lover and I used to be liberal with our PDA on campus and never made any other couple uncomfortable (after all Gandhi said be the change you wish to see in the world). It was sad to know that some couples who got caught kissing had to bribe some people to not report the same (but what’s there to report, wish I could say that)
    Well, he is the brave and adventurous kinds and we used to experiment the most unexpected areas together cause of the judgmental looks and the falcons (should not expose them here lest it becomes more difficult for the couples there). Sometimes the third year, the moots and the crappy day gets to you and you need some affection to calm down and stay sane. To answer your cries for help I would say that, have fun really, the adrenaline rush you get after you manage whatever you want to especially in the red zone is unparalleled (try not to get caught). Really look around you and experiment with different places with different timings. If you need specific details let me know how to contact you. Looking back to my fond memories of that place as I read this post, this was all in light vein, or may be not ;)

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  3. Nothing is wrong with PDA you say.
    Who is to make sure your PDA does not results in unexpected events (you know what I mean). Now you will say “we are two adults capable of making informed choices”.
    Well then, you should also know that choices are purely subjective.

    Like

  4. I apologize, but i have enjoyed repeated couple friendliness of the purple variety in all your red zones sans the VC/Registrar residence quarters and the Boys hostel. I think your findings do not account for ‘Courage’ and ‘Defiance’ or ‘Spine’.

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  5. Err. Most obvious green zone ever? The generators?

    Come on man, people find this out in first year itself, and you say you’ve been here several years?

    Like

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