by DVL Vidya and Ishaan Mishra
If or when the Zombie Apocalypse breaks out, my first and foremost advice to you, regardless of where you are when the dead stop staying dead, is – Head shot. Always. You better not be one of those idiots in the starting of zombie movies who stab/shoot/maim a zombie anywhere other than its head, dramatically say “How can this be?!” and then end up dying or come close to it. No. You are smarter than that. You are a student of an extremely accomplished University and you better survive doomsday.
But for various reasons, you might choose to stay on campus instead of trying out your luck in the big bad world. On the off chance that you do choose to stay on campus, here are a few things you should keep in mind.
- We have a freaking chainsaw on campus
As many of you already know, the gardener uses an honest-to-god chainsaw sometimes. Is it rusty and old? Yes. Does it diminish its coolness factor? No. Should you be using a really loud chainsaw to kill zombies and in the process attract more zombies? Only if that’s how you want to go. But seriously, the gardener has some pretty cool pointy weapons that you can use in order to chop the heads off the undead. Provided you know where it is and it isn’t being used by somebody else. Then you have to wait your turn or wait till the current user dies.
- The hostels have more than one entrance
So seeing as the hostels are the only place with food and showers, it is obviously going to be the best place to bunker down when the dead feel peckish. You will obviously close the heavy wooden doors in addition to the glass doors near the security cabin, but nonetheless there is another way into the hostels, that is, through the kitchen (if there is another way in, I’m not aware of it. Keep in mind I’m a first year who spends a lot of time on the internet.) The dead aren’t exactly polite and won’t mind using the back door to sneak in and chomp on your innards. And heaven forbid they end up near the food, ’cause then you can’t exactly abandon ship now, can you? So keep the kitchen door locked at all times.
- We have a lot of gates.
Six. We have six gates. When the dead take over these gates need to be guarded at all times. The last thing you need is for a swarm to break those gates down. If a swarm does end up in this place, it’ll be surprising, but still, don’t take chances. Just because the living have forsaken this place doesn’t mean the dead will too.
My parting advice is a phrase I came up with 5 minutes ago: “Bullets will leave you. But katanas are forever. <3”
While writing this article, Vidya has certainly done a great job of telling us how prepared our campus is against zombies, but she’s forgotten one of the most important dangers in the post-apocalyptic world – People! Now, she can go on about how the campus is safe and prepared for zombies, but she doesn’t talk about how it is therefore a very nice attraction for other living human beings as well. How do we fight against the real danger? Well, our campus has got that covered as well. We stay 300m away from a Metro Station. Stations that have CISF. C! I! S! F! A covert operation to the station, avoiding zombies on the way, will lead us straight to security. And if we don’t find the security personnel, which is highly probable, we’ll find weapons. The Dwarka Sector 14 metro station has a collection of INSAS Rifles, AK-47s with foldable stock (agility is key), 0.45ACP Colt 1911s, 9mm Pistols, and sometimes even Glock-17s and Belgium SMGs. Now that, combined with the key sniping points in our campus, with the mirrored windows in almost all our buildings, we’ve got a fortress.
My parting advice is a phrase I came up with 5 minutes ago: “Sharpening your Katanas takes more time than reloading your assault rifle.”
Apart from that, I think Vidya has us covered.
– DVL Vidya with minor inputs from Ishaan Mishra (he tried).